New year resolutions will include no more "discussions" at family get-togethers. Photo / 123rf
So here we are two weeks into the new year and memories of Christmas are beginning to fade as quickly as my New Year's resolutions.
Naturally the minute the clock struck midnight on December 31 I solemnly declared - again - my intention to drink less, eat less and exercise more but I also resolved try to be more spontaneously romantic in my relationship with Mrs P.
Actually, now that I think of it, when the clock did strike midnight on December 31, I spontaneously pashed Mrs P to within an inch of her life (he says proudly) so the romance resolution was more or less covered straight away.
And I had every intention of sticking to the others but you know how it is. Summer holidays, worries over dehydration on hot days (ahem), a friend's barbecue, etc etc. Enough said.
So, surprise snogging aside, basically my boring resolutions have been a dismal failure.
There has been one other which I've managed to stick to quite well thus far though.
Let me explain.
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In our humble abode Mrs P likes to push the boat out when it comes to Christmas. She likes to go all out. Tree, presents, drinks, food of all types, crackers, Love Actually on the telly and a leisurely stroll or snooze later, depending on your level of consumption.
This Christmas the kids came home as usual to help me eat us out of house and home.
With them they brought - apart from healthy appetites - passionate thoughts and plans for the future of mankind befitting their time on this planet.
Unfortunately I am equally passionate, maybe even stubborn, about the need for vigorous debate and exploration of all sides of the issue, even if its not always my view.
I didn't quite catch exactly what Mrs P calls me but I think it was a "something stirrer".
Anyway.
As we meandered our way through the big day, snacking and drinking, prospective son-in-law and I had a ding-dong about the environment. This was followed by prospective daughter-in-law and I espousing differing opinions on politics.
All the while Mrs P quietly sat in the background with the other non-combatants, occasionally motioning for me to cease and desist.
By the time we sat down for the sumptuous Christmas dinner a good chunk of the day had been spent righting the wrongs of the world.
Bloodied but unbowed, I sipped yet another gin and tonic as the dinner table discussion moved on to what we would do for Christmas next year and our environmentally conscious Boomerang Child spoke up.
"Next year you can all come to us and we'll have second hand presents and a vegan Christmas," she said proudly.
Now, in my defence, I was wearing my brand new shirt and was right in the middle of a thoroughly enjoyable traditional Christmas dinner. Obviously still in a bit of an argumentative mood, the thought of bypassing all that for second hand gifts and a meatless, nut roll did not fill me with excitement, however well intentioned and worth considering it was.
So a short phrase beginning with an expletive slipped out.
Immediately I was mortified at my slip-up but the damage was done and later, as I did my penance over the pile of dishes in the kitchen sink, Mrs P "suggested" my new resolution.
No more "discussions" at family get togethers. And definitely no more acceptance, on her part, of spontaneous romantic interludes unless I improved my ways.
On the plus side she sent me off to golf the next day to get me out of the way. Unexpectedly, I ended up playing a bit of golf while the kids were here.
I've got a big golf trip coming up soon so it has been quite useful and a simple choice - rattle a few environmental slash political cages and miss out on romantic interludes or get a bit of golf practice in and enjoy the love - and snogs - of a good woman.
No-brainer really.
It seems all your Christmases can come at once.