Experts urge compromise as Family Court orders kick in for Christmas day

Thousands of children every year face Christmas day knowing they have to leave one parent to go to another. Photo / 123rf

For thousands of Kiwi kids, the season of joy is split between court orders and family traditions. As parents battle it out in the Family Court to win precious time with their children, experts say certainty and compromise is key to ensuring a stress-free Christmas. Open Justice journalist Shannon Pitman reports.

Two sisters told the court their Christmas dream was to be in Australia, surrounded by cousins, family traditions and the joy of their mother’s side.

Instead, the judge ruled they must alternate year by year for four-week periods, meaning this Christmas they will remain with their father.

For 6-year-old Lewis*, the court said he was too young to decide where he should be so his Christmas Day will be split at 1pm between both parents.

They are just two examples of the reality thousands of New Zealand children face every, year trapped in the collision of Family Court orders and lived reality.

Care and contact orders are designed to balance parental rights and protect children’s welfare, but in practice, often leave children caught in rigidity with no fluidity for movement.

Parenting orders continue to dominate the family court. Data / Ministry of Justice

Over the past decade, New Zealand’s Family Court has processed a consistently high volume of applications related to family issues, hovering around 60,000 annually and reaching 63,114 in the financial year for 2024/25.

Those applications can be related to estates, dissolution of marriage, family violence or child support.

Family Court statistics show parenting order applications have consistently dominated in the past 10 years, peaking at 8892 in 2017/2018 before dipping to 7055 post-Covid and rising to 7673 for 2024/2025.

More than half of the cases for the last financial year, 4396, remain unresolved, reflecting the drawn-out nature of disputes over care.

Christmas day handovers

A judge-directed parenting order stipulates a child’s weekly care arrangements and also how birthdays, school holidays and Christmas Day are to be managed by each guardian.

A formal court order can take years, involving multiple lawyers, judges and mediation services with several applications filed in the lead-up to Christmas with caregivers looking to vary arrangements.

“Over Christmas, contact is to alternate and follow the normal fortnightly routine, Friday 3pm to Friday 3pm. This is to occur so that [suppressed] has three weeks of holiday in each Christmas holiday period. Christmas Day is to lie where it falls,” is one example a family court judge directed for a child this year.

“In even numbered years [suppressed] will be in the care of her mother from 10am Christmas Eve until 2pm Christmas Day; and with her father from 2pm Christmas Day until 5pm Boxing Day. In odd-numbered years, the arrangements will reverse,” another direction ordered to a young child by a family court judge.

Experts say parents need to compromise and model positive behaviour. Photo / 123rf

Zayne Jouma from Family Dispute Support Services told NZME he has worked in the Family Court for 14 years and assisted hundreds of caregivers around New Zealand.

Jouma said a child’s age plays a crucial role in determining how much time they can manage, and parents must be willing to compromise.

“Separation doesn’t come with a manual, every case is different, different children, different ages,” he said.

“It’s very difficult for the little ones and the easier we make it for them, the better, because they’re not programmed to make such decisions.”

‘It’s okay to go’

Jouma said parents need to remember that children are at the forefront of all decisions.

“They sometimes forget about the kids and they focus on winning my argument. They’re stuck in this situation, it’s confronting and you need to prove a point and you forget about the children.”

In situations where children don’t want to go, Jouma advised parents to convey positive messaging about spending time with the other parent.

“It’s not based on their wish list, it’s based on their needs and their needs are determined by the adults,” Jouma said.

“Some children struggle with separation anxiety but it’s important to convey the message that it’s okay to go. It’s all about giving them the green light because they love to please us.”

Principal family court judge Jacquelyn Moran said parenting orders should have sufficient specificity regarding holiday periods. Photo / Ministry of Justice

Jouma noted Christmas Day often brings challenges, especially when parents live far apart or wish to travel overseas.

He recommended considering an international travel clause, allowing up to three optional weeks each year.

“It’s really difficult but someone needs to compromise at the end of the day is really what’s important.”

New Zealand Law Society chair of family law Richard Smith told NZME there is no single answer and each child will have their own preferences, shaped by past experiences and family traditions.

“They want to feel safe [in every sense of the word]; have fun and spend time with as many of the important people in their lives as possible,” Smith said.

Avoid conflict and uncertainty

Smith noted compromises are often necessary to ensure children can connect with both parents and wider family.

“Parents may need to schedule video calls so children can stay in touch, and plan safe travel during the day, for example by avoiding alcohol.

“In some cases, one parent may need to give up Christmas Day with their child every second year, or celebrate on a different day, so both sides of the family are included. Families may also need to adapt to each other’s traditions.”

Smith believes what works best for children is certainty and adults role-modelling appropriate behaviours.

Principal Family Court Judge Jacquelyn Moran told NZME it was important parents considered holiday contact well in advance of December.

“Invariably, there are issues relating to care and contact over the Christmas period that resulted in proceedings being filed at the 11th hour,” Judge Moran said.

“While unallocated time is scheduled in the Family Court close to Christmas to deal with genuinely urgent matters that may arise, the work of the court means that this can only be limited.”

Judge Moran said parents should be specific in their parenting plans around Christmas arrangements to avoid conflict and uncertainty.

“If parents do not have court orders which determine the care and contact arrangements for their children, they do have access to other options to assist them in reaching a Parenting Agreement which would include all school holiday periods, including family lawyers but also a number of other providers such as Family Dispute Resolution.”

*Name has been changed to protect identity of child.

Shannon Pitman is a Whangārei-based reporter for Open Justice covering courts in the Te Tai Tokerau region. She is of Ngāpuhi/ Ngāti Pūkenga descent and has worked in digital media for the past five years. She joined NZME in 2023.