With the nous of a diplomat, PE teacher Rob Gunn did impress on his high school charges a few times he was reasonably handy on the soccer field in his heyday.
Did the Napier Boys' High School first XI team believe the 45-year-old?
Of course, not. It's fair to say the grinning iPhone generation mob were in the habit of winking and nudging each other behind Gunn's back during after-school training sessions.
Now those schoolboys have to eat humble pie because their coach scored 14 goals for his Phoenix Taradale outfit in the Hawke's Bay men's division 4 game at Taradale Park, Napier, on Saturday.
"When they found out I got 14 they now know I'm not actually bullshitting them," the schoolteacher said with a laugh.
The whipping boys were the traditional Hastings Rovers Vikings team who lost 18-0 as the Phoenix, after drawing 1-1 the previous Saturday against table-topping Outdoor Concepts Napier South, tried to boost their score to ensure the goal difference won't let them down if it becomes an issue towards the business end of the social grade league competition.
"We knew Napier South put 12 past them and are on the top of the league so all I was thinking was 13 goals, which is what the team was trying to get," Gunn said last night of a division predominantly made up of the "older brigade" although some teams can have a smattering of teenagers, too.
Gunn, who incidentally scored 10 goals for Dockland Athletics in London in the Essex League in his prime for a 14-0 victory, scored five goals in the first half on Saturday.
"That's when we used to train three times a week and I took football a little more seriously," he says of his feat in London, adding he did score six or seven goals for the Scindians team in the higher grades a couple of times.
While Bay division four teams have a tendency to sub any player who scores a brace or hat-trick of goals, Taradale let Gunn soldier on.
"I was surprised I didn't get pulled out but they did sub me when I was playing for Scindians," he says, emphasising his Phoenix side didn't think they would score 18 goals.
Gunn is relieved he isn't playing for his club's ComputerCare Pacific Premiership team because every player who scores a hat-trick has to buy a jug of beer - that would have been four for him.
Instead, he ended up with three jugs, including a bottle of trademark beer from the visitors, after putting into the net eight with his right foot, five with his left and a header.
He lauded Rovers goalkeeper Matt Phelps.
"He was a nice guy and said during the after-match function, 'As pastings go it was quite enjoyable'.
"But any team that can take a hammering every week and come back to play deserves some respect, too."
Rovers president/player Terry Huffam, whose club grew from age-group sides in 1998 before entering the men's league in 2004 from a crop of young boys who came through the ranks, said the division four side didn't give up and kept battling on Saturday.
"We have a team in the first, third, fourth divisions and a women's team in the senior grades and 12 junior teams running around." Huffam said adding it wasn't the worst flogging the fourths had received.
In 2009, the Vikings lost 21-2 to a Taradale side boasting former Central League players but also scored two goals.