LAURA FRANKLIN: Girls have that genie magic

Hold the front page. Science has finally confirmed what we girls have known for generations.
Women are genetically more complicated than men. (Well, duh!)
A bunch of busy little boffin beavers in North Carolina have proved beyond all doubt that the female "X" chromosome contains more than 1000 working genes and is able to deploy them in intricate and mysterious ways. But the "Y" chromosome ...
Well, lads. Let's just say there's a good scientific reason why you can't multi-task.
The researchers found that poor old "Y" has taken a battering during its 300-million-year struggle for supremacy and has now diminished in size until it's a mere shadow of its former hairy-chested self.
These days it boasts fewer than 100 working genes. (Yes, do the math. That makes a chick 10 times more genetically evolved.)
And once you take out the male gene for opening jam jars, the gene for ogling at breasts, the gene for car maintenance, the gene that makes a guy too proud to ask for directions and the cluster of genes that enable him to operate a remote control, there's not a lot of scope left for things such as common sense, emotional maturity and sensitivity toward others.
Nope. Those are predominantly the domain of the more multifaceted female, together with being able to cook a roast dinner whilst simultaneously reading a novel and helping the eight-year-old with his maths homework.
Oh, and instinctively "knowing" that that tie is never going to go with that shirt - another skill clearly held on the female X chromosome.
But don't guys have at least one of those magic chromosomes too? I'm glad you asked that.
You see, it's true that a girl has two X chromosomes, while a bloke has one X - inherited from his mother - and one Y - handed down by Dad.
The thing is, it turns out that all X chromosomes are not created equal.
In fact, get this: "The findings show that when the X chromosome occurs in women it behaves so differently to when it resides in men that it has effectively resulted in another human genome."
Basically, if I can add a layman's interpretation here, in a guy, the X chromosome becomes infected with "boy germs" - a potent and destructive substance whose chemical formula is similar to that of beer, day-old pizza and engine grease. One consequence of the male's genetic weakness is that he is more susceptible to defects such as colour-blindness, haemophilia and addiction to moronic action movies.
While, in women, the unfathomable "X" manifests itself in various ways.
For example, guys, why do you think it is that a girl always takes five times longer than you to get ready to go out, and then runs back in to get her handbag? Hmmm? Genetic complexity, of course.
Why does she have to change her outfit three times, ask your advice on what looks best, then choose the complete opposite? You guessed it. It's that double-X.
That's also what gives her the ability to assess the precise relationship status of three different couples around the dinner table by assessing body language, facial expression, eye movement and nuances of intonation. (While a lad, oblivious to social signals, can fail to spot that he's in deep trouble with his other half until she gives up icy sarcasm as a tactic and resorts, instead, to shouting and physical violence.)
And, boys, it explains how she can have total recall of the entire dialogue of any fight you've had and recite it at will when desiring to make a point, while you can barely remember what she told you to get from the supermarket an hour ago.
The female "X", I believe, might also hold the "I told you so" gene, as well as the gene for handbag-and-shoe appreciation, and the gene that programmes a girl with an insatiable desire to do a little urgent vacuuming when her chap is trying to watch the test.
Lipstick-application skills, a weakness for romantic flicks and a propensity for suddenly needing to ask "where's our relationship heading" just as a guy is attempting to leave for work are also part of the female genetic makeup.
We know it drives you nuts, guys. But just put it all down to the "X" factor.