Editorial: Pressures tough on parents

I have been late to work twice this week.

On Wednesday, one daughter misplaced my car keys. Silly me. I should have known she would throw them on the clothes pile in her room while getting socks to go with the footwear she had retrieved from the car. Instead I spent 30 minutes tearing the house apart. Even went to her school, where she and her schoolmates had a good chuckle at the stressed figure before them.

Yesterday I "just couldn't" get them to school on time. When in my care, my 9-year-old twins are often late for class. Just a few minutes, but late nevertheless. It has been worrying me.

Take yesterday morning. After giving the 17-year-old $10 so that she could drive to school instead of travelling with me, I finally parted the unshakeable duo from their blankets. But the rituals of feeding, cleaning, clothing and getting them out the door had us heading in the school gate after the final bell once again. That wouldn't be funny except we live no more than 100 metres from said gate.

I know I don't do everything right. They should go to bed earlier. But with a fulltime job, post-work chores, exercise and entertainment for them factored in we are always working against the clock. Well, I am. They just ignore it. Also, I could be more organised in the morning. That said, it seems to me that I would have to behave like a Sergeant Major for an hour, morning and night, to get my little darlings into better habits. Perhaps I need to harden up, watch a few repeats of Supernanny.

Not that I am completely new to looking after children by myself. I took time out from fulltime work to look after my eldest daughter for several months when she was in her first year. I worked part-time from home, and I remember it was ... stressful. A baby is a fulltime job.

But if you're still reading, I know you know that. You're likely to be a mother. And according to a survey released this week, "Kiwi mums feel isolated; guilty about the amount of time they spend with their children, and are forced to take 'time out' to 'maintain their sanity'." I'm with them all the way.

More than half (52 per cent) of New Zealand mums, surveyed in the Proctor & Gamble Changing Face of Motherhood Survey, said they felt some degree of guilt about their work-life balance, the amount of time they dedicated to their children.

The list went on: 75 per cent of Kiwi mothers said they have days where they feel isolated and were raising children by themselves, 13 per cent admitted they felt isolated all of the time; When it came to compensating kids for parental absences, 51 per cent of mothers, said it was important to spend time together filled with positive experiences, 36 per cent agreed they took regular outings and holidays, and 13 per cent said they compensated by buying their children gifts and treats; 45 per cent of mums believe they have less time today than their mothers at the same life-stage; 63 per cent of female respondents said the pressure of work and having a job to go to was the biggest reason for having less time. This was followed in equal second place with the pressure to be an active, "hands on" mum and a child having more extracurricular activities, with 40 per cent of mums saying this was the case; Mums admitted taking "time out" from the kids was important with 56 per cent saying they needed it to "maintain their sanity", while 52 per cent said they needed to spend quality time with their partner, and 47 per cent agreed they need "me-time".

It is clear modern mothers, who are generally the primary caregivers, have many hats to wear today. It's also clear that the old message, "get outside and play", no longer resonates.

There is a real pressure to offer children a variety of options, many stretching the budget. There is also increased pressure to keep them safe - all of which takes precious time. Then there are the meals to cook, the dishes to clear, the washing to fold, the homework to supervise ...

And it is clearly worse for the solo parent when you consider that 62 per cent of respondents said a woman's husband or partner was the person who assisted most with childcare. If you haven't got one?

The stresses of modern society impact most heavily on families. I don't know how mothers do it. Just getting their children to the school gate on time makes them heroes in my eyes.