School uniforms are regulated, but for the girls, hem length can hover between knee level and see level. In days gone by, girls had to kneel on the gym floor while a stern mistress with hair pulled tightly into a bun actually measured from floor to hem. Okay, thought each girl, I might have copped a detention, but when I leave this gym, I’ll just be rolling the skirt up at the waist.
It is probably harder for boys to transgress – except by wearing non-uniform items – but as a schoolboy, I found a way. Heaven help any boy who didn’t wear his school cap, but at least I found a way of making mine stand out from the pack.
The peak featured interior cardboard, which primitive surgery could easily remove. I cut mine down to a very narrow strip, cut the covering cloth to match and (crudely) sewed the whole thing back together. I also subjected it to a hot-cold process to shrink it, so I was left with a virtually peakless pimple perched on my pate.
I felt I had created something quite fetching in the field of school millinery. Or at least something not as dorky as the original.
“Call that a cap?” snapped one officious prefect.
“Jawohl, Herr Major!” I replied as I accepted the detention slip.
Now our Parliament has jumped onto the dress code bandwagon. A dress code is different from a uniform simply because everyone is … well … different.
“Employees must wear some sort of attire” is clearly too loose.
But blanket rules can make a mockery of a situation. Insisting that men wear a tie is silly on a number of counts: the tie already is probably the silliest item of male clothing ever created, ties come in a huge variety from pointlessly skinny pencils to broad floral atrocities, and just how does tying fabric around the neck alter the personality and behaviour of the wearer?
“It sets a professional tone,” a supporter might say.
“Not to me!” I might reply. “Professionalism is based on thoroughness of knowledge and work and the ability to have well-mannered dealings with customers [possibly called ‘client-centric interface’]. It cannot be automatically achieved by wearing a fabric noose.”
“Smart casual” has issues, too. Whose version of smart? Whose version of casual? Are there “dress” jandals?
All bosses are different. Some will demand that shirts be tucked in, some will ask that colours be sombre, some will even expect a suit! Yes, having a dress code is a minefield, but Gerry Brownlee has decided to tiptoe through the explosives.
He will have to tackle the discernible shift in employee feelings as workplaces evolve and traditional codes of attire are seen as anachronistic.
While I agree with the no bare feet in Parliament ruling, there will be plenty of debate about other items such as winceyette pyjamas, budgie smugglers, snorkels, and see-through plastic clothing.
I feel Mr Brownlee may have bitten off more than even he can chew.
She’s a pretty big job.
