And, my goodness, the toys! Where are these piles of new toys supposed to go?
It doesn’t help that my toddler’s birthday is right after Christmas. It feels like I’ve got to reorganise my whole home to cope with the influx of diggers, dump trucks and fire engines.
Not that my boy is complaining. A pig in mud, is he. His tractors are towing his helicopters to the mechanics to have their tyres replaced and their rotor blades repaired while I frantically try to find homes for them all.
The amazing thing is, I feel like I can’t put any of it away. He plays with all of it. He treasures every single one of his vehicles and is fascinated by learning how they work.
We went to the library last week so I could find some knitting patterns. En route, he spied a picture book about supercars in the non-fiction section, swiped it off the shelf, and sat merrily in his pram flicking through the pages while I hunted through the craft shelves.
“Wow, that’s a Bugatti EB110!” I hear him exclaim.
Boys.
Funny that, isn’t it? I’m a pretty stereotypical Millennial in many ways. I adore avocado smashed on toasted sourdough with a sprinkling of sea salt and cracked pepper; all the better enjoyed while sipping a latte from my reusable takeaway cup.
Just like many other avocado-eaters of my generation, I’ve been making an effort to raise my child without gender expectations. Yes, I’m one of those parents who lets their sons wear pink T-shirts and their daughters wear dinosaur gumboots. Cue the shock and horror.
But, here’s a secret for you: wearing pink doesn’t make boys gay, I promise. It’s just a colour. Colour does not have the power to change your sexual orientation. Truly. And neither do toys.
Children shouldn’t be limited by what we adults define as ‘for boys’ and ‘for girls’. And that’s the key word here – limited. If a boy wants to play kitchen or a girl wants to play diggers and their caregivers say they can’t because of their gender, it limits what they learn and experience.
Dr Lauren Spinner, a developmental psychologist at the University of Kent in England, was quoted in the New York Times in 2018 as saying traditional boys’ toys such as blocks encourage visual and spatial skills, while traditionally feminine toys encourage communication and social skills.
“If children only play with one, then they are missing out on a whole host of skills,” she said.
In the same Times article, Laura Zimmerman, a developmental psychologist who is a professor of psychology at Shenandoah University in Virginia, said toys and play should give kids space, not narrow their choices.
“Children should be free to play with the toys they enjoy ... We know that these stereotypes that are being shaped and reinforced can be linked to a lot of different things, from educational and occupational goals to academic ability to social development. It is really important to have children get this broad range of experiences.”
In other words, it is important for their futures to give children space to explore their own interests and to play in their own way without adult interference.
My boy has shown a clear interest in vehicles and machinery. That’s cool, you do you, boo.
But I also make sure he has the opportunity to play with traditionally ‘feminine’ toys too – he does own a doll, even if he doesn’t play with it. We do art together. He helps me bake – and even knows all the ingredients for pikelets by heart. He likes to layer beaded necklaces on top of his safety vest and firefighter jacket, and looks darn cute doing it.
My boy can play with whatever (age-appropriate) toys he wants, I’ll not stand in his way.
And so, as you read this, I’ll be sitting here with my toddler learning about how hydrocopters are used as rescue vehicles in Finland.
That’s what he’s interested in, and it’s my job as a parent to nurture that.
Sonya Bateson is a writer, reader, and crafter raising her family in Tauranga. She is a Millennial who enjoys eating avocado on toast, drinking lattes and defying stereotypes. As a sceptic, she reserves the right to change her mind when presented with new evidence.
