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Home / Bay of Plenty Times

How a woman basher became Mr Perfect

By VICKI WATERHOUSE
Bay of Plenty Times·
22 Aug, 2007 10:00 PM3 mins to read

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He towered over her and psychologically abused her. He yelled. He pushed. Once he even hit her _ he punched her in the face. For him, it was "normal".
These days John Rapana and Noelene McGowan are madly in love and got married last Saturday.
But it wasn't always this way _
not until Mr Rapana found the Living Without Violence programme with a little help from Miss McGowan.
"She basically said `get your act together or you're out of here' and that's all I needed," Mr Rapana told the Bay of Plenty Times.
Together for the past three years, the couple were grateful for the guidance the 18-week programme gave Mr Rapana and, since joining, he now has aspirations to become a programme facilitator.
Looking back on his past, Mr Rapana did not feel good about the way he acted but was glad with the way things had turned out.
"I was intimidating. I used to stand over her and yell at her," he said.
"I'm not proud of it but I am proud of the fact that I've dealt with it."
His abuse stemmed from his childhood during which he grew up around violence.
However, he never thought his life would end up the same. But it did.
When he was angry, Mr Rapana did not care how it affected the people around him. It was something he now deeply regrets.
"In the moment you didn't care what anyone thought or who was there and that extended to my children and what they saw," he said. "I didn't care about the repercussions."
Mr Rapana has had previous relationships end because of his abuse and nearly lost his wife.
Miss McGowan said she would be terrified of him whenever he got angry.
"It was fearful, I had no voice," she said. "He was a great dad and a great partner most of the time but when he got angry this behaviour would come out."
She said she too had grown up around violence.
"We both came from a background where ... violence was prevalent and I definitely didn't want my children to grow up in that," she said.
Mr Rapana was thankful he had the chance to save his relationship with Miss McGowan and attributed his success to the Living Without Violence programme.
"The proof that the course works is in her [still being with me]," he said.
He said he now had the tools to deal with his issues effectively and had nothing but praise for the programme he hoped to become a part of.
"It was difficult to go to a group and start sharing my darkest secrets," he said. "[But] the majority of the men there poured their hearts out."
Miss McGowan says ``he is pretty much perfect.'

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