Annemarie Quill: Touchy feely All Blacks refreshing

BROTHERHOOD: Tactile All Blacks let down their guard during the World Cup.

I couldn't help but notice during the Rugby World Cup (yes, we're still talking about it) how tactile the All Blacks were, not just with each other but also with others. Ma'a Nonu leaned in for a hug with the sports reporter. Prince Harry got a few hugs instead of handshakes when handing out medals. It was refreshing to see this, especially in such a male-dominated sports culture.

Some New Zealanders are not fond of hugs and kisses when greeting or farewelling people as Europeans often discover when leaning in for a French kiss upon saying hello (that's a kiss on both cheeks). It got so awkward I soon gave up.

Some even flinch these days when you extend a hand for a handshake.

In an increasingly PC world, it can be a struggle to know what level of physical contact is deemed acceptable.

Help is at hand from boffins at Oxford University who recently published a touchability index - a series of body maps that show just where we are comfortable to be touched.

The index provides colour-coded information for everyone from partners to parents, to extended family, casual acquaintances and complete strangers.

Almost 1500 men and women from Britain, Finland, France, Italy and Russia were given a series of outlines of the human body and asked to colour in which parts they would allow someone to touch, front and back, reported NZME. Each person created touchability maps for 13 members of their social network, including their partner, their parents, their siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and acquaintances.

The maps revealed that acceptability of touching decreased according to the level of familiarity. The less familiar a person, the less it was deemed acceptable to touch them. The exception was men's views of being touched by strangers - by another man it was no go, but if the stranger was female, then men were up for grabs.

No surprises there. I hope they didn't spend a lot on that survey.

What is true though, is a comment by the scientist leading the research that "in an era of mobile communications and social media, touch is still important for establishing and maintaining bonds between people."

Social etiquette dilemmas extend to the digital world. Such as how familiar you sign off an email. Just one's name seems abrupt. 'Regards' is a little formal.

Signing with a kiss might be unusual between accountants but is perfectly acceptable, if not the norm in some circles such as magazine land and the fashion world for instance.

But when to first start email-kissing someone is always a dilemma even amongst fashionistas.

Doing it on your very first email is way too promiscuous. I usually wait for others to make the first move with a kiss signature. Then I will leave it a few emails (immediate reciprocity makes one look too eager), and throw a kiss back a few emails later.

A smiley face emoticon has become another etiquette dilemma. Although it can help indicate the tone of an email, if you feel it necessary then perhaps the email needs rewording. Otherwise the smiley face can be the equivalent of the finger, as in "I noticed you don't know how to pronounce emoticon, hope you didn't mind me correcting you. Smiley face."

Laughing digitally is another social dilemma. Someone may post something funny. It seems rude not to acknowledge. Sarah Lawson in the New Yorker wrote (a very haha-inducing article) about the modern dilemma of e-laughter - whether to Hahaha or Hehehe.

For me, a smiley face seems like you don't care. Lol seems the norm. Haha, like you are being sarcastic, or a magician. Hahaha sounds mad. Bwahahaha or mwahaha now seems the norm for something really funny. The digital equivalent of your humour receiving a complimentary slap on the back. Which according to Oxford scientists is no longer acceptable.

Let's hope the feel-good factor after our World Cup win extends to some good old-fashioned authentic communication.

Some actual touching (of the consenting and appropriate kind of course).

If that means a hug between friends, why not? When you are celebrating something that brings the community together, such as sport or a music festival or even a carol concert, then a hug can even be entirely appropriate between consenting strangers.

If those strangers were All Blacks then I am sure even the most guarded among us would welcome their hugs with open arms.