Self-loathing is more toxic than sugar.

Quit the apologies, girls. And quit the disease to please.

We apologise for our appearance: Our skin, weight, how we look in the
mirror, to how we rock a
pair of jeans. We apologise over everything, it seems. It's like the toxic words drip from our mouths like it's an old, rusty tap.

We apologise in emails. Often we start them with: "Sorry for not getting back to you asap ... "


We suffer from a disease of being displeased with ourselves — like we are trying to live up to some Instagram 20-something-beauty-queens.

We also suffer worse, it seems, from the disease to please everyone around us ...

Apologies are the theme here.

A makeup artist told me recently she hears a lot of apologising from not just young girls, but also older women.

Every time a woman sits in her chair to get their makeup done, there's a list of apologies.

Apologies about skin tone, features, flaws ... almost everything. The makeup artist tells me it's a terrible shame that so many women can't actually see their true inner and outer beauty. They focus instead on tiny microscopic flaws, which is more about their own warped perception.

I write about the need for more self-compassion in my book Balance: Food, Health + Happiness. I write that self-loathing is more toxic than actual sugar. Some experts share how to have more self-love and compassion. These are valuable tools.

We need to turn this self-loathing ship around as women — for the sake of ourselves and our confidence, but also for the sake of our kids.


We need to talk to ourselves like we are our own best friend. After all, we would never give a friend a hard time over failure or when they screw up, or don't look perfect. We'd support them, prop them up, care about them and lift them up.

We need to start talking about ourselves with more love and kindness — so our kids quit this self-loathing culture too. Kids view everything we do, and say as modelling.

Everything we say is soaked up like a gigantic sponge.

We need to start changing the conversations we have inside our own heads. Actively say kind things to yourself — and be okay about this. And remember to stop girlfriends from talking badly about themselves too. Nip it in the bud promptly.

Men don't suffer from these issues nearly as badly, it seems. They back themselves more.
Let's all vow to adopt a more self-assured, self-love approach for the future. Build yourself, and others, up. Use your energy for positivity instead which has a ripple effect on ourselves and everyone around us.

—Rachel Grunwell is a wellness expert and author of Balance: Food, Health + Happiness, from or bookstores. Follow Rachel on Instagram (@rachelgrunwell) or InspiredHealthNZ's Facebook (InspiredHealthNZ).