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Greg Dixon’s Another Kind of Politics is a weekly satirical column on politics that appears on Fridays on listener.co.nz.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon’s precarious premiership is still a potential “death trap” despite rule changes around earthquake-prone structures, experts say.
The government this week announced a new “risk-based” approach to earthquake strengthening essentially allowing building owners to put more New Zealanders’ lives at risk to save loads of money.
Despite the watering down of the earthquake strengthening rules to save loads of money, Luxon’s leadership is believed to be still so unsafe that seismic risk zones have been updated to include any spot Luxon happens to be standing on.
“After two years of Luxon’s leadership we’ve learned one thing: there’s a major, unstable fault line running under it,” a leading seismologist said. “We now believe Luxon to be the most quake-prone thing in New Zealand, he could literally topple at any moment.”
The seismologist said the strength of Luxon’s leadership was unlikely to improve any time soon due to instability in the economic, business, consumer, caucus and voter confidence and high levels of everything except hope.
One building expert said the major structural problem with Luxon’s leadership was that, instead of having one solid set of foundations, it had three dodgy pillars, each of which believed it was the only thing that was holding up the structure.
“There is an old saying,” the expert said, “and it is as true today as it ever was, particularly in an earthquake: a house divided against itself cannot stand.”
NZ govt takes principled stand on Palestinian statehood
Luxon offers Hipkins bipartisan deal on blaming Labour for everything
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon has written to Chris Hipkins urging him to commit Labour to blaming itself for everything in an effort to achieve a “credible, bipartisan approach”.
In a secret letter shared only with the entire press gallery, Luxon warned that the possibility of a future Labour government blaming National for everything would “pose an insurmountable barrier for some believing that everything that has gone wrong with New Zealand was the Labour party’s fault”.
“You have said previously that, if elected, Labour will not spend its time ‘‘pausing, cancelling, and blaming everything on someone else’,” Luxon wrote to Hipkins.
“But bipartisanship must be more than a political slogan. So I am writing to seek a commitment from the Labour Party to support National in blaming Labour for everything for at least the next 10 years.”
Hipkins called the letter the desperate act of desperate prime minister. The Labour leader was also critical of the letter getting out publicly so soon after it was sent to his office, and so shortly before the Government announced that its 2026 election strategy would be built around the notion that the last Labour government was not only responsible for the country’s current economic woes, but for everything bad that had ever happened in New Zealand since 1840.
“I almost feel sorry for Luxon,” Hipkins said. “This is a political stunt from a politically stunted man.”
Lost and Found
Lost. A spine. Near 405 East 45th Street, New York, on September 27 New Zealand time. Ran away when asked to stand up for something. Finder should contact New Zealand Government on 0800 7273 6282.
Low wattage energy minister moves country into low power mode
Energy minister Simon Watts says New Zealanders should burn their furniture and wear as many layers as possible to keep their power bills down next winter.
In a much-anticipated shake-up of the electricity energy business, Watts announced this week that government would be doing nothing meaningful at all to help New Zealand consumers and businesses already struggling with increasingly outrageous power bills.
“After due consideration of Frontier Economic’s 270-page review of the country’s electricity market, we have decided that things are working absolutely perfectly with the power market just as long as you don’t need electricity,” Watts told reporters at a low energy press conference.
The report recommended a range of changes, including the government selling its 51% stakes in gentailers Genesis, Mercury and Meridian to fund future power generation projects. However Finance Minister Nicola Willis said this would not be necessary because things were fine as they were and those who said differently were “merchants of misery”.
Watts said that those struggling to pay higher power bills next winter had to understand that it was all their own fault for using too much energy and they should instead move into low power mode.
“If you can’t afford electricity, get a better job, or get a second or third job,” Watts advised. “Otherwise just burn your furniture, dress in every stitch of clothing you own and jog on the spot to keep warm next winter.”
One consumer advocate said Genesis, Mercury and Meridian had all made “eye-watering” profits in the last financial year and had paid shareholders high dividends, which was “hardly an incentive” to change the status quo. “Perhaps the government could change its massive profits in dividends from the gentailers into cash and burn that to keep the lights on next winter.”
