Niki Bezzant and Petra Bagust are taking their event Hot Mess: Navigating midlife and menopause back on the road in August and September. There are common themes to women’s stories of this life stage. Here Niki shares four of the most common.
After several years of talking with women all over Aotearoa about what’s happening in their bodies and brains during perimenopause and menopause, there’s nothing I won’t talk about. Sex? Sure. Vulvas and vaginas: bring it on. Bodies, libidos, brain fog, hair loss, divorce… Nothing’s off the table when we’re talking about the hormonal zone of chaos.
There’s also a kind of pattern to women’s stories around this. Themes of isolation, confusion, uncertainty and a loss of confidence are common. So too is an outpouring of relief that we are talking about menopause now. It feels to me like a floodgate; it’s open now and we can share our experience. There’s no going back.
Here’s a small sample of what Petra and I heard from women who came along to the Hot Mess tour events in April.
“My doctor offered me antidepressants for menopause”
Sadly, this is not a surprising story. Women showing up to their GP’s office with menopause signs are still finding their experiences minimised or dismissed. This can sometimes be because the “symptom” (for want of a better word; note that menopause is not a disease) is being looked at in isolation. Your mood is crazy? It’s probably depression or anxiety; antidepressants will sort that.
There’s a strong case to be made that a more holistic approach from doctors would be helpful, and that if a woman is seeking treatment and she’s anywhere from 45 to 55, it’s worth factoring in hormonal chaos. This is slow to happen. A 2023 research paper from the NZ Institute of Economic Research found that women were as likely to be prescribed antidepressants, sleep medication or pain medication as they were hormone therapy (HRT or MHT) for menopause symptoms.
“I thought I had early dementia”
Women are sometimes prepared to look out for hot flushes and night sweats as signs of perimenopause or menopause. They’re not always aware there are lots of other signs that indicate prime hormonal turbulence. There’s a lot going on in the brain in menopause (including hot flushes, which are a disruption of the hypothalamus, the temperature centre). There’s also disruption of the areas in charge of memory and concentration, leading to frustrating lapses in these functions.
Women talk of losing words, phrases, names and the ends of sentences. That includes Petra and me. It’s a high-stakes game when you’re talking on stage for a living, and each of us has had a few “no, it’s gone” brain fade moments. The good news is these glitches are not permanent. The brain is doing some re-wiring during menopause and we can rest assured we’ll emerge from this transition with our cognitive function unimpaired. But it can be incredibly frustrating along the way, so perhaps it’s not surprising that more than one woman has told us she sincerely believed she was experiencing the early stages of dementia.
“My workplace was so supportive of my menopause”
While there’s a long way to go in creating a menopause-friendly workplace in every organisation, it is brilliant to hear of organisations nailing it when it comes to supporting women through the transition. One woman in Rotorua inspired awe and envy with her tale. Her employer not only offered a supportive environment but also proactively came to her and asked, “How are we doing? What else do you need? What else could we have done to help you through this?” The collective “oooooh” in the room was testament to the fact that if you’re looking to retain senior women and encourage younger women to want to step into senior roles, look after them through midlife and menopause.
“Help! I forgot what I did…”
Menopause brain fog is real. If you need proof, consider this email our tour manager Lou received from a woman who was keen to come to our Christchurch show: “Is there any way to tell if I have accidentally bought tickets already – perhaps back when they were first available? I feel like I did but can’t find them anywhere.” On checking, Lou discovered this enthusiastic lady had purchased nine tickets, describing it as “the most legit peri ticketing question ever”.
The Hot Mess Tour travels to Auckland, Hamilton, Wellington, Stratford, Christchurch, Dunedin and Whangarei in August and September. For more information and tickets head to hotmesstour.nz
