Simple rules and nice thighs will get the girls to watch

Broadside by INGRID TIRIANA
Even the commentators are confused.

I don't know how the average rugby-watching girl is supposed to figure it all out.

I'm talking about the rules - those of that magnificent game played by our (mostly) magnificent rugby men.

It is simply impossible to understand what's going on most of the time.

The only rules I can fathom are a forward pass, offside (sometimes) and grounding the ball.

The rest is pretty much a mystery to me and I just try and follow the ball and cheer them on as I watch them run.

Maybe it's a chick thing but I just don't have the brain for it. Possibly something to do with the lack of testosterone.

A bit like men trying to understand netball I guess.

They keep harping on about how much contact there is now when any girl who knows her netball knows it's all about fair contesting and there ain't no such thing as no contact anymore.

But back to rugby. I've been enjoying my weekend watching the fortunes - or misfortunes as the case may be - of our Bay of Plenty Steamers.

I do enjoy a good game of rugger but as I've said, the rules escape me.

So it's rather disconcerting when the commentators start saying things like "oh, I give up, I don't understand that call he's just made", or "well, I just don't understand the ruck and maul rules anymore".

Frankly, I feel sorry for the guys on the field trying to play to the rules nobody knows for certain.

How's a girl to learn anything when even those who should supposedly be in the know seem to know bugger all.

And there's no point asking hubby or whichever bloke is sitting next to you on the couch or at the stadium to explain what's going on down there on the field.

They generally pretend they can't hear you, which leads one to assume that one is either being a pain for asking or the person being asked isn't sure himself.

What it all boils down to in my humble - and admittedly rather limited - rugby opinion, there are just too many rules in the game.

Every year there seem to be more or several are changed.

It seems to be a guessing game for the players as well as the spectators.

Maybe that's the reason my attentions were turned some years ago to the game of rugby league. It's a tough game with very few rules and you can always see where the ball is.

There are usually no more than two men jumping on the man with the ball so it's pretty hard to lose sight of it.

Simple rules, that's the trick to getting a girl to watch a man's game. Okay, it was that and the fact rugby league players have particularly nice thighs.

I do like a nice pair of thighs.

But being a good Kiwi girl, I will never give up on rugby and while I've enjoyed watching the Steamers from the comfort of my couch at home for the past few weeks, I can't wait for my live fix this weekend when the Bay play North Harbour in Rotorua.

You can't beat being there - even though it makes it even harder to understand what's going on, given you don't have the commentators to decipher at least some of the ref's calls.