Tony Hadlow visits a memorial at the Tree Trust for his parents, Gerry and Sheila Hadlow, who were killed in a crash in 2006. Photo / NZME
Tony Hadlow remembers the day 15 years ago his parents were killed in a road smash. It was a day that changed his life forever, and he hopes reading this story may help change yours. Kelly Makiha reports.
Cars are weapons and dying in crashes is no different to any other violent death. It's sudden, it's cruel and no one gets a chance to say goodbye.
That's how Tony Hadlow still feels 15 years after losing his parents in a crash just north of Rotorua.
Seven people died on Rotorua roads in the past year - three more than in 2020. The Bay of Plenty's annual road toll hasn't improved, with 41 people dying in 2021 compared with 39 in 2020.
Tony's message to people driving over the holiday period is blunt but comes from a place of pain - something he wants no one else to experience.
To him, it's simple: "Don't be a munter behind the wheel".
He said take his advice and you could avoid living like him - with a chip out of your armour caused by the grief of losing someone precious in a road crash.
Canon Gerry and Sheila Hadlow were community icons. Their instant deaths after their car crossed the centreline into the path of a bus filled with Korean tourists on State Highway 5 near the intersection with Western Rd sent shock waves through the city.
To this day it's not known why Gerry crossed the centreline as they headed out of town. No one even knew where they were going. A coroner later ruled Gerry could have experienced a blackout similar to one he had mentioned to family a few weeks earlier.
Gerry, 79, was a priest who became the Rotorua police chaplain. Sheila, 84, was a stalwart in several community groups.
The outpouring of grief was huge. More than 3500 people attended the joint funeral, including 300 clergy and 300 police staff. Police staff from Tauranga had to cover Rotorua.
The initial moments of learning his parents were gone was "so awful", Tony said.
"It was so sudden and I didn't get to say goodbye."
He learned while he was on business in Auckland and had to pull over on the side of the motorway. He had to drive to Morrinsville to tell his sister, then to Rotorua to identify their bodies in the morgue.
"You go along in your life and feel comfortable and then something like this happens and it changes everything forever. I'm okay with it now but for a long time I wasn't. I had to get help to work it all out."
Tony said it felt like everyone knew his father, and as he came to grips with his death, well-meaning supporters made his recovery harder.
"Everyone knew Dad and everyone knew what happened. I used to go to the post office box at 6.30am just to avoid seeing people. Dying in a car crash defines your life. Instead of people knowing my dad as a priest or a police chaplain who did great work it is 'your mum and dad died in that crash'."
Losing both at once made him feel empty.
"You don't know how it feels until it happens to you."
He said cars were now like extensions of people's lounges or offices - you can "ask Siri", receive emails, play music and movies, look up directions and talk on the phone.
"People get into cars now and they don't give it a second thought. When you're driving, you're not in your lounge with your devices, get off your phone and pay attention.
"Basically people are doing more s*** in their cars when they should be driving."
He said people felt the road belonged to them when in fact patience and kindness were needed to stay alive.
"People's lives are at stake ... If someone's driving too slow, don't go up their a*** and toot the horn. Pull back. It's only another five minutes."
He had a boat in Tauranga and often used State Highway 36 through the Mangorewa Gorge.
"It's so windy but people drive like a bat out of hell, have a near-death experience and hello, they've saved themselves four minutes."
He said the road from Tauranga to Katikati and Waihī was a "nightmare" because people got into queues of traffic at this time of year and turned into "morons".
"You see these people flying past you and then you look up and they are only two cars ahead after half an hour. You feel like driving past and saying 'what happened there mate?'."
He said the road between Tauranga and Whakatāne was narrow with few spots to pass, but that didn't stop the "munters" pushing their luck and creating anxiety by tailgating, waiting for their "opportunity to risk their lives".
Driving should be enjoyed as part of the holiday.
"Don't balance your milkshake and burger on the dash, stop and have a meal with your family."
Tony hasn't talked publicly about his parents' death over the years but feels strongly about road safety and hoped his words can make a difference.
"I don't know many people who have had my experience but when you meet them you know because there's a chip out of their armour. You can't undo it, it's there for the rest of your life. I didn't think anything like this would happen to me and it doesn't go away."
If history repeats, there will be people starting off this new year in Rotorua who won't be with us next year.
That's the cold fact from Bay of Plenty road policing manager Inspector Brent Crowe, who said the same things were killing our loved ones on the roads despite constant warnings.
He said while the country had rightly focused on a response to Covid-19 in the past year, 319 people had died on New Zealand roads - 41 in the Bay of Plenty.
He said those people saw in 2021 not knowing it was going to be their last.
"It left family and friends to grapple with the why, grieve the loss and then attempt to pick up the pieces and live with the huge void that the death of a loved one leaves."
He said police and road safety partner agencies had for many years been pushing the same messages, because it was the same stuff that was to blame for road deaths.
In the Bay of Plenty, there are eight main causes of deaths and serious injuries.
These include 20 from alcohol-related crashes, 19 from excessive speed, 14 from distracted drivers, 11 from inexperienced drivers, eight from fatigued drivers, eight from not driving to the conditions, seven from failing to wear a seatbelt and five from bad driving.
He said police checkpoints in the Bay of Plenty consistently detected that up to one in every 80 drivers who had been stopped were over the alcohol limit.
"Anecdotally since the first pandemic lockdown police had also noticed a disturbing increase in drivers travelling at ridiculous speeds, in some cases over twice the posted limit.
"Tragically, if history is anything to go by, failure to alter our behaviours on the road means some who celebrated New Year's Eve just gone won't be here to see in 2023."
Region - Number of deaths 2021 - (Comparison to 2020)
Rotorua - 7 (4)
Western Bay of Plenty - 15 (17)
Taupō - 9 (12)
Eastern Bay of Plenty - 10 (6)
Total: Bay of Plenty total - 41 (39)
Deaths on Rotorua roads 2021
February 26: Ashton Maharaj, 5, crash, SH38 near Brett Rd, Rerewhakaaitu
March 29: Peter Dorfliger, 70, car vs truck, SH30 near Te Puakanga Rd
April 3: Tony Hansen, 52, motorcycle vs car, SH38 near Okaro Rd
April 21: Paul Beazley, 54, Millar Rd, Lake Okareka
June 21: Paranai Paki, 26, car vs car on SH30 near Whirinaki Valley Rd
June 29: Tina Allen, car vs car on SH5, Waiotapu
October 2: Joshua Heath, 19, car vs power pole, Te Ngae Rd
Te Ngae Rd's speed limit will rise from 50km/h to 60km/h after a review.