It started to take its toll on my personal life and my partner and family could see I wasn't my bubbly self. They only knew some of the issues I was having. One of my biggest mistakes was not explaining the full extent to my family earlier because once I had, I felt like a weight had begun to be lifted.
I can still remember the day I hit rock bottom. I couldn't sleep, so I got up and sat staring at the TV. In the early hours my partner noticed I wasn't in bed and came and asked what was wrong. I said I was fine. About 4am I went to bed and got about an hour sleep. Once my partner woke up he knew I wasn't okay and I broke down and couldn't stop uncontrollably shaking and sobbing.
My partner was shocked at the state I was in. Somehow I managed to get myself to work, but I sat in my office not knowing what to do. I went back again the next day but went home sick. I tried to go back the next day but had a panic attack and couldn't. I never went back.
I went to see my doctor, she recognised I was depressed and she referred me to a psychologist who helped me realise the behaviour I was putting up with wasn't okay and wasn't just a clash in personalities, it was bullying. She taught me not to minimise the behaviour and to name it for what it was.
I still suffer from depression and I know it will take some time before I find my way through it, but I've had amazing support.
It's amazing the number of people that have been impacted by bullying and depression in some way.
I used to be one of those people who saw depression as something you should or could just get over, but once you learn more about it you realise it's not that easy.
Some days I get angry because this person was not held accountable for their behaviour and I left under the circumstances that I did. Sometimes I wish I had stayed and fought harder for my position but I had lost so much confidence at the time and couldn't do it.
I made the decision that was best for me and my family at the time and in the long term I will be stronger as a result of this.
