Stephanie Worsop: New Year's resolutions are the absolute worst

The New Year's resolution hangover always creeps up on me. Photo / Getty Images

OPINION

Well, we're a week into 2021 and I've already given up on my half-arsed New Year's resolutions.

Every year I stand in front of the mirror and tell myself I'm going to make changes for the better.

I'm going to lose weight, read more, spend less time on my phone, save more money. All that good stuff.

And every year I suffer from the New Year's resolution hangover approximately 10 days after said motivational talk.

I've figured out what the problem is. I'm too ambitious. I decide I'm going to make these sweeping changes to my life, all at once, and never look back.

Goodbye beloved chippies, farewell impulsive Kmart trips, au revoir Tik Tok, Facebook and all the other apps I mindlessly scroll.

I don't need you anymore. Instead, I have a long list of books - many of which are hangovers from last year's resolution to read more - that I will absolutely get through this year, my broccoli and low-fat salad dressing will not be going off in the fridge, and I have set a savings goal that is not at all unrealistic and doomed to fail.

Okay, that last one may have tipped you off - slowly, one by one, those pesky habits I've tried to kick start creeping back in.

My resolve takes its first tumble when I'm faced with a genuine need to grab something from Kmart; 'I'll just run in, get a can opener, and go straight to the checkout'.

I should really know myself better by now because something new inevitably catches my eye and before I know it, I have a trolley full of stuff having spent an hour perusing the entire store.

So that's one resolution down.

No matter, I'm still going strong on my other two! I've really turned a new leaf, who needs junk food and social media!

Three days later, hubby comes home from work to find me still on the couch, still in my sweatpants, still watching Tik Tok (damn, that app is addictive).

Okay, another resolution down.

But let's not lose hope, the last resolution was the most important one anyway and I'm not even close to wavering on my vow to forego junk food!

A couple of days later I'm scrolling Pinterest (there's no point keeping off social media now I've broken my resolution, right) looking for some new summer recipe ideas and I come across "healthy air fryer sweet potato chips".

Technically it's not junk food, right? And it would satiate those chip cravings that are becoming more insistent. And if I'm making them myself, I can control the portion sizes.

I don't need any more convincing. First I need to buy an air fryer though, so off to Kmart I go - just for an air fryer, I tell myself.

A couple of hundred dollars (I had been planning to redecorate the spare bedroom, don't judge me) and one kumara later, I'm in my kitchen eagerly awaiting my delicious, crispy chippie alternatives.

I open the appliance's drawer and find a total disaster; limp, soggy slices of kumara that are definitely not edible at all.

Well, it wouldn't really be fair to deny my craving after getting my hopes up. Besides, surely it won't be the end of the world if I indulge once in a while, as long as I get back to healthy eating afterwards.

You can guess where that led to - the epic fall of the third and final resolution.

Oh well, I guess there's always 2022. I have a good feeling about 2022, it's going to be my year.