"Did you hear? John and Susan are getting divorced."
"No! I can't believe it; they've been together for so long! Are you sure?"
Smaller changes will be adapted to, eventually. But larger changes can result in full-blown, permanent denial. Look at the world around us and you'll see it everywhere – from people denying climate change is real to denying the very existence of Covid 19.
Some of the strongest forms of denial are the ones we turn against ourselves.
July is one of "those" months, the ones with a catchphrase to raise awareness. We have Pride Month, Movember, Pink Ribbon and, this month, Dry July.
It's the month when people will abstain from alcohol to raise money for a collective of cancer support groups.
Ask someone if they're taking part in Dry July. Many will give a little giggle - "A whole month? I wouldn't last a week, haha!" Alcohol is so much a part of our lives that it can be hard to imagine going without it for that long.
But when push comes to shove, most people probably could cut out the booze for a month if they had to. They won't like it, but they wouldn't suffer in any way for it, other than perhaps a touch of the old FOMO (fear of missing out), or a pang of regret while eating a steak dinner.
If that's you, congratulations! You probably don't have an addiction. At least, not to alcohol anyway.
But some of us aren't so lucky.
What is addiction? At its core, it is the continued use of a substance or "thing" despite it having negative impacts on yourself and others around you. Addiction can come in physical or psychological forms, in that it can affect your body, your mind, or both.
If you're physically addicted to something, your body adapts to that particular substance, grows to tolerate it, and has strong physical or mental reactions to stopping its use.
But you can also have a dependence on a substance or a "thing" without having any physical addiction – think pornography, gambling, social media, or your job. It becomes a compulsion, an obsession, and your moods will be impacted by whether or not you can feed the compulsion. You'll be driven to continue feeding the compulsion no matter the consequences.
Take coffee as an example. Coffee is an addictive substance, but many of us can use it without becoming addicted. If we're habitual users, we've probably got a bit of physical dependence, but we'll go without it if we have to.
Imagine you wake up one morning and there's been a power cut, which means you can't boil the jug.
Will you grumble a bit and continue on with your day with a slight headache? Or will you hit panic mode, wondering how you'll be able to function without that cup of joe, and then do something drastic to fulfil that need like driving all the way across town to find an open café despite knowing it'll make you late for work? If it's the second, you're very probably addicted.
Almost anything can become an addiction or dependence. But if you do develop an addiction, there's a high probability you fit into certain categories.
There are four main risk factors for addiction: Genetics, environment, development, and mental health disorders. The more of those boxes you tick, the more vulnerable you are to addiction.
If you're someone with a family history of addiction, who grew up with environmental stresses such as poverty, abuse, a lack of parental guidance, trauma, or exposure to drugs at a young age, you're more prone to addiction than people with stable childhoods and adolescences.
Of course, being free of those risk factors doesn't mean you're not an addict. They're risk factors, not rules.
You can grow up in the happiest and wealthiest of homes and still develop an addiction to meth, alcohol, pornography, Facebook, coffee, whatever. It can creep up on you without you even realising it's at your door.
Dry July can be a fun challenge between friends. But it can also be a reminder to have a good, honest look at your life, and see whether there are any unhealthy dependencies that need to be checked before they grow worse.
Don't let that big old Egyptian river cause further damage.
