Ngahi Bidois: Obituary for Tommy Bidois - my father, gentleman and warrior

Tommy Bidois. Photo / Supplied

OPINION

In an earlier column, I wrote that my father is a person I love and highly respect. He is one of my eagles. Eagles are people I confide in, learn from and trust. They are people I aspire to be. I then outlined one of my father’s key pieces of eagle advice to look after number one.

We cannot look after others unless we look after ourselves first.

Many of you reading this will know my father Tommy Bidois or know of him.

Last week, on May 24th at 11.13 am, my father died after doing his best to look after number one. He had spent his life looking after others. After eight days in Rotorua Hospital facing untold challenges, despite excellent care, he returned to his beloved bach at the centre of his universe at Awahou and passed peacefully with a smile on his face.

He was near his awa the Awahou river, on his Papakainga, just down the road from his marae, Tarimano and Whare Tupuna Tawakeheimoa. That is next to the Church of the Good Shepherd, which he helped build. He was at the heart of his iwi, Ngāti Rangiwewehi, where he served on the paepae. My father was a real McCoy MBA, Māori Boy from Awahou. He was 88 years of age.

Dad taught us many lessons which I would like to share with you as I celebrate the life of a gentleman, a warrior, and an MBA.

Humble, hard-working, gentleman, soldier, speaker, fisherman, outstanding husband, father, uncle, koro, great-grandfather, friend, kaumatua and mentor were words used to describe Dad during his tangi.

Dad was a gentleman. He taught us manners. Words such as please and thank you. Simple kind words have taken me and my whānau a long way these days when many people forget to use them.

He showed us humility by doing mahi when people weren’t looking. I remember as a young fella working with Dad at our iwi cemetery. It was getting dark, and my siblings and I were getting scared. Dad taught us not to fear our own ancestors, especially if we were doing something for them.

When you enter Awahou Puhirua cemetery there is a sign that Dad and his good friend Tamahau Palmer put up. I must ask Tamahau if it was dark when they recently put that sign up.

My Papa loved sports and was good at them. He encouraged us into many sports. That helped shape our character and friendships.

Dad holds athletics records, was a Kiwi rugby league trialist, a very good golfer at Springfield where he played pennants and enjoyed the company of his Twenty club mates.

He then went lawn bowling and holds a record for winning the club champs five years in a row. He recently told me he only gave up bowls to teach his grandchildren trout fishing.

Dad’s father, Harry, was a fisherman, my brother and I are fishermen and Dad has many grandchildren who fish.

My father taught us all to fish. He also taught us to gather kai and there are now two generations who know how to collect mussels, kina and paua, pikopiko and watercress. My Papa grew up gathering kai and ensured his future generations did the same. Leadership manuals call that succession.

My father’s full name is Michael John Bidois, but he was always known as Tommy. That’s a whānau thing because his brother Walter was known as Stubby and his other brother Martin is known as Popeye. People know me as Ngahihi o te ra, but Dad named me Patrick, after my koro who gave his life serving in the second world war.

Names were important to Dad. Every Anzac Day he had a roll of honour of the Ngāti Rangiwewehi people who served which is read out to remember them. Next Anzac Day, we will add Dad’s name to that roll of honour.

My father was a hard-working warrior who served his whānau, community, iwi and country. He made coffins. He saw active service as a rifleman in 1 NZ Regiment B Company in Malaya in 1957 and 1958. At his graveside, our relative John Treanor, who used to call Dad bro until he did our whakapapa and then had to call him uncle, read out the following:

“Tommy. The flag you defended so loyally has been lowered to half-mast in your honour. The wreath reserved for warriors rests lightly upon you. You have served your iwi, your whānau, your Queen and your country and you can do no more.

You are hereby given your last order here on earth, known and acted upon by all those who have served.

Pass comrade/friend – All is well.”

Love you, Dad. Moe mai ra.

Ngahihi o te ra Bidois is an international Keynote speaker, businessman, author, columnist husband, father, Koro and MBA. A Māori Boy from Awahou.