Merepeka Raukawa-Tait: People really can change

Chris Brown has a conviction for domestic assault and is banned from entering some countries.

I didn't do prison very well. Tried to avoid it whenever I could. But Theo would often ask me to accompany him on some occasions when he visited the men in the Special Unit at Rimutaka Prison. He said they knew me from television and wanted to know why I was so outspoken and, to them, it appeared hateful - to Maori men in particular. I was able to tell them later that it was not them that I hated but the brutality of many men towards their wives and partners. Sadly, children were often on the receiving end as well.

But at Rimutaka it was the Catholic nun at the time who stood out for me. I would watch her move calmly among the men. Asking after their families and encouraging them to see a future quite different from their past. One day I confided in her that I struggled to be pleasant to the men because I had some idea of what their offending was. She looked at me with what I thought was a look of pity and said quietly: "Merepeka, if God can forgive a sinner, who am I not to?" How heavy was that? There could be no argument on that score.

So I persevered. I got to know the men and, a few years later, when two had no home to be paroled to, their families didn't want to know, Theo asked me to let them come and live with us while they sorted themselves out. One stayed a year. The other about five months. They adored Theo. He would talk to them about their role as men. About their cultural responsibilities.

I know they had never heard someone speak to them like that. About their potential. That their past mustn't define their future. They, like so many men I have since met, were able to turn their lives around. They made the necessary changes, hard as it might have been. I suspect for many, they may still struggle. It is not easy to unlearn behaviours that have become ingrained. Especially if you remain close to people who don't share the vision that things can be different and better.

One of the hardest things, these men tell me, is getting a job. Nobody wants to employ them. They have done the time for their crimes but people are unwilling to believe they can change. When this attitude persists we are sending a miserable message to anyone who has transgressed. You may have done the time but we won't allow you "to come back". There is no redemption for you. We will kick you to the kerb and that's where you'll stay.

I caused a stir this week when I was asked to be the spokeswoman for a group of eminent Maori women leaders who wanted to support Dame Tariana Turia. She is supporting Chris Brown, the American rapper who is hoping to tour New Zealand later this year.

He has a conviction for domestic assault, and is banned from entering some other countries, so it is likely that an application to enter our country will be declined by Immigration. He has said he is making every effort to change but obviously has some way to go. The return of his daughter to his care has had a big impact on his life.

Apparently, thousands of young New Zealanders like and listen to his music. They watch his videos. I am told the lyrics are foul. When I mentioned this to the four dames and the lady on whose behalf I was to speak, they told me that the youth in their urban low decile areas all used similar language. They didn't approve if it but that was their reality. These women, who have years of working in the violence prevention area, with Dame June Jackson holding the record of being the longest serving member of the NZ Parole Board with 20 years' service, are more in tune with young people than I will ever be.

They know that young people listen to who they want to and seek out their own role models. Chris Brown may not be who you and I want to see strutting the stage in our country. We may think his music unfit to listen to. But if he is making a solid effort to turn his life around, amid all the distrust for his efforts, and if he could be encouraged to give out a positive message while in New Zealand, then why not let him in?

Heaven knows, not much is changing with our shameful domestic violence statistics. But then heaven is probably more kindly disposed to give a transgressor a second chance.

For some in our society, they believe that "once a sinner always a sinner". That there'll be no way back for them. I remain grateful to the Catholic nun, and Theo, who showed me that caring is not about condoning but about signalling hope and belief in the individual that change can happen.

-Merepeka lives in Rotorua. She writes, speaks and broadcasts to thwart the spread of political correctness.