It's usually that I don't have the time but I also don't feel the need to explain why I can't help. I don't want to stress about spending time with people I'm probably not that keen on, doing work I can't be bothered about.
This wasn't always the case. I used to worry about what people would think of me. "What's the matter with her, she could knock that out in a day"! Never mind that my work programme gets interrupted. Now I don't give a f***.
Reading the book made me realise I have work to do. I should be putting more effort into deciding what I don't give a f*** about. Start to declutter in those areas particularly if the activities are draining my energy. What don't I particularly care about and should stop doing, stop thinking about too. And start spending more time on the things I like doing.
I believe I would surprise myself. I could end up with a whole list covering work, home and family-related. General stuff too. I plan to put most activities under the spotlight? A few things I don't give a f*** about come readily to mind:
• Looking like my 30-something self. Every age has its beauty. Youth is fleeting and nice while it lasts but as long as I keep reasonably fit, healthy and happy with a positive attitude I find enjoyment in living well, more important than fixating on looks and worrying about whether my clothes from last summer still fit me.
• What people think. If I cared about what other people think of me or what I do, I probably wouldn't have got out of bed past the age of 16. A few regrets of course, but life was not meant to be lived looking in the rear vision mirror. I know the value of the work I do, do it to the best of my ability and that's all that matters.
• Money. I have enough to live on comfortably and spend my money on what I please. My car is 19 years old, still going strong so I see no need to buy a new one. And you can only live in one house although I do own another property. Money is a means to an end. I don't tell anyone how to earn and spend their money and that's as it should be.
I know there are many areas, just below the surface simmering away, for me to investigate. Some big stuff and the small stuff too. All are time and energy-consuming if I continue on as before. The book sits on my desk so I can dip into it whenever I am faced with a job or task to do or something that requires me to put my thinking cap on. Is it something I want to spend time on, something I want to spend energy on or maybe spend money on?
Pretty quickly I realise it's really something I don't give a f*** about. Problem solved. I just say no, refuse to go there. In a short time, I have already gained more time for the things I want to concentrate on and like doing and my energy isn't being drained by doing something I don't want to. Where was this book years ago when I needed it most?
- Merepeka Raukawa-Tait is chairwoman of the Whanau Ora Commissioning Agency, a Lakes District Health Board member and Rotorua District councillor.
