Merepeka Raukawa-Tait: Flavell's hard line on suicide is to be applauded

The grandfather really laid into his grandson. He didn't hold back. Told him what he thought of him "selfish and uncaring of your family to end your life in this manner" - by suicide.
I've witnessed a number of these blunt conversations by mourners to a dead person at tangi but never one quite so direct and brutal. It was delivered by a heartbroken man. And without doubt suicide breaks hearts.
That's why I applaud the Member of Parliament for Waiariki Te Ururoa Flavell's recent newspaper article.
He asked people to start talking about suicide, its impact on families and to look at what we can do to prevent it from happening. He, like many of us, is very concerned at the increase in suicide, particularly among our youth in this district. Sadly suicide is not confined only to the young or Waiariki district. Did I agree with everything in his article and his suggestions on possible ways to tackle the problem? Not everything. But I know the practices he referred to were often used in former times when suicide was viewed as a dishonourable act and families suffered from the shame of it.
The church also made it very clear. Taking one's life was a mortal sin and there would be no heavenly reward. That was then but in these more enlightened times we tend to look for answers as to why it happens at all.
And people contemplating suicide don't think about the pain they will cause their families and friends, they just want to stop their own pain. But are we any more enlightened really. I wish Te Ururoa hadn't apologised. He didn't set out to cause offence or pain to families who had lost a loved one through suicide. He's experienced this tragedy himself. I believe he wanted to prompt people to start talking. To recognise this is a major problem and likely to get worse if we don't start to take it seriously.
Families may have to take a candid look at themselves and start by being truthful about the issues they're dealing with. We need to get in early, with the most appropriate support, before it's too late. Te Ururoa takes suicide seriously and that takes courage.
In the past we went with the prevailing view that suicide must not be talked about openly, it is off limits, to be buried. Our laws reinforced this mindset too.
This reminds me very much of how family violence was viewed in the past, along with child abuse. For decades New Zealand covered up this scourge. We didn't talk about it. We didn't get involved in what was happening over the fence. Even families kept quiet.
"They've made their bed, so best keep out of it."
And somehow we expected things to right themselves. The social costs and true financial implications for New Zealand has been huge let alone the toll on the lives of thousands of individuals and families.
What a squeamish lot we are.
We have TV programmes graphically showing people being chopped up and disembowelled by demented psychopaths yet when it comes to sitting down and openly talking about our citizens who see no way out of their problems, we shy away.
We don't want to know. It's too painful to discuss. It's because these conversations aren't taking place that nothing changes.
And Te Ururoa knows that. He wants the spotlight shone directly on the problem. Bring it into the full glare of public scrutiny.
What can we do as families and as a community to ensure those thinking of ending their lives get the help and support to persuade them from doing so?
Two years ago I attended a Suicide First Aiders course. The programme was developed in Canada and adapted for New Zealand. It told us what to look out for and to be alert to the signs. It told us not to hesitate to ask blunt questions of family.
But, most importantly, we were encouraged to start the conversation. Just as Te Ururoa has done.