Merepeka Raukawa-Tait: Dress a matter of choice

These days, older women dress for themselves. Photo / File

A friend of mine would wear a dress that I felt was never very flattering.

She wore it often so I presumed it was one of her favourites. When I asked her if it was, she said, "No it's my husband's favourite. I wear it to please him."

This, from an educated, articulate woman who held strong views on many social issues and would not hesitate to share these with you. She stated she actually hated the dress.

I said I couldn't figure out women like her - and I believe there are many - women dressing, along with other things, to please someone else.

I suspect they compromise in other areas of their lives too?

Quite a lot in her case as it turns out. I got a phone call one day telling me, "I've ditched the dress and he's gone too."

That weekend I flew to Wellington and we celebrated in fine style.

In most successful relationships there will always be compromises made on both sides. But I still wonder about the women who allow themselves to be influenced by other people.

Does it just stop at what they wear? We all like to look nice and presentable and having your partner confirm, "You look lovely today, darling", or as Theo would say, "You look yummy", is very pleasing.

But when you aren't comfortable wearing something that someone else has picked out for you and thinks is just you, why would you allow yourself to be persuaded to wear it anyway? And repeatedly. Dress sense and style is individual and personal to each person.

Many partners share a liking for the same things, including furniture, art, books and films, houses, holiday locations, even food. But clothing is personal. It's our own body we are dressing not anyone else's.

It should be up to the individual as to what she wears.

And it is older women that I admire so much in their choice of clothing today. Gone are the colours that for years older women were steered towards when shopping. Black, grey and Mother Earth colours are still around but they're teamed up with bright and vibrant colours to make snazzy, up-to-date outfits.

Older women appear to be unafraid and bolder. Look at their hairstyles and hair colouring. They want a modern, easy-care cut, and if grey hair is starting to show - bring out the colour swatch.

But many have decided that grey, silver or white hair is okay too. It's their choice.

Perhaps it's when a woman wants to modernise, update and change her appearance that the confusion starts. With the partner saying, "Why, when I love you just as you are?"

Change doesn't mean, "I don't care about you any more". It may just be that, "I want to care for myself more". I remember an older person saying to me once "the older you get, the more people overlook you. You start to get ignored". I think that's sad and probably true. But there are those who won't tolerate being overlooked. All things change over time and remaining current and up to date doesn't just apply to what's happening around you.

For many women, particularly when children have left home and are out doing their own thing, they may want to turn the spotlight on themselves. Come out from under the bushel perhaps?

Every time I see women like Mary, Jenny, Toia, and Hinemaia, I know they will always remain youthful and vibrant. They stand out for their unique sense of style in the way they dress and also for the contribution their work makes in the community. They stay connected. They exude the confidence that comes with knowing who they are so they can truly be themselves.

Overlooked? These and similar women, not likely.

-Merepeka lives in Rotorua. She writes, speaks and broadcasts to thwart the spread of political correctness.