Merepeka Raukawa-Tait: Dearest love lost, but loving lessons live on

From time to time I have mentioned my husband, Theo, in my articles.
My darling passed away six hours ago. I only have him to myself for a few short hours. The whanau will take him from me shortly and that is as it should be. He told me what to expect.
Don't think unkindly of me because I am sitting at my computer right now. It's what I want to do, need to do. Theo and I were together for 24 years and I loved him dearly. And yet at first glance you might think we were not suited at all.
Theo was nearly 20 years older than me. He was Maori and brought up in the old ways. He never suffered from an identity crisis and lived his life according to his Maori culture and beliefs. While being absolutely pro things Maori, he always appreciated other people's point of view. He would weigh up - "what would the old people have done"? That's because he learned from them.
The nannies that brought Theo up were born middle to late-1800s. So he didn't only know his culture and customs, he lived it from his earliest years. He would say: "It's all very well speaking te reo but when you don't ask people to come inside for a cup of tea or make sure you offer them a bed for the night instead of asking, 'Where are you staying?' you're not living your Maori tikanga." You can't pick and choose the easy, convenient bits. And, according to Theo, they were all easy if you cared for people. You mustn't just talk tikanga, you must demonstrate it.
On Friday we had such a lovely day out even though the races were cancelled. Since Theo's first heart attack in April this was one of the few times he had been out. And Theo and I had a fun time with my sisters over lunch. That's something else Theo always said: "You girls know how to enjoy yourselves." And we do. We talk about everything under the sun and I know at times Theo would get impatient with us, especially if we got a little loud and drowned out his TV. But he learnt to take that, too, in his stride.
Theo was easy to love. Over the years I would often take him with me to some of the conferences I spoke at. And people would make a beeline for Theo. They wanted to spend time talking to him. You didn't often get an older Maori man at the conferences I attended. I suppose he was a bit of a novelty and interesting to talk to. He made people feel that he had been waiting all day just to talk to them.
It was obvious we came from completely different backgrounds and earlier on when some supposedly "real" Maori would suggest I was a "Pakeha Maori", Theo would always reassure me. "No Maori ever questions another person's Maoriness," he would say, and name calling said more about them than me. I had a Maori heart, he said, otherwise he wouldn't have been with me. Theo never saw my lack of te reo as making me less of a Maori than he was. He always saw the good in people and more often found it. He was prepared to give them the benefit of the doubt. He believed in the goodness of the human race.
The house is starting to fill up and yet it is only just after 1 o'clock in the morning. The family who love Theo will be hearing the sad news now. And soon he will go to the marae where I will share him with family and friends over the next three days. I wanted to tell you of the man I love and say how sad I am that he has passed on.
Theo believed in God and I know God now has him in his care. He also said he'd be looking out for me always. Please do, my darling, and take away the hurt.