Tauranga mother Sarah Searle lost her first-born daughter, Isabel, at just one day old.
After Isabel died in May 2015, the 41-year-old mother said she and her husband, Matt, felt devastation, shock, despair and disbelief after the “pretty sudden and unexpected” death.
Searle said losing Isabel was “the worst possible thing you could feel”.
“It’s healing to have subsequent children but it in no way takes away from what happened.”
Searle and Matt have since had three more children - Ashton, 6, Harry, 4, and Maisie, 14 months. But Searle said she was “very anxious” when pregnant with Ashton.
“I couldn’t quite let myself believe that I would be coming home with a baby who was alive.”
Searle is sharing her story as part of perinatal mental health awareness week this week.
According to Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Aotearoa, about 25 per cent of parents will experience anxiety or depression after having a child.
Searle said she and Matt were living in Sydney when Isabel was born.
After her birth, Isabel was transferred into intensive care and died a day later.
“She’d been a bit up and down but the last we’d been told she was improving ... We knew that she was struggling but I think hadn’t quite processed that it was to that extent.”
After Isabel’s death, Searle went to various “really helpful” support groups. But they also highlighted everything that could go wrong with a pregnancy, as she met other people who had lost babies through miscarriages or stillbirths.
Six months later, Searle got pregnant again but was “very anxious”, fearing she might lose the baby.
Searle gave birth to Ashton and eventually fell pregnant with Harry. The family moved to Tauranga in 2018, while Searle was still pregnant with him.
After Harry was born, the family had a “horrible” year with Matt being in a cycling accident and being made redundant from work and Searle going through restructuring at work.
“I probably didn’t realise how much I was struggling until I had a Plunket nurse who asked me the right questions and realised I was struggling with postnatal depression.”
Searle joined a perinatal support group called True Colours - Honouring the Mother, as well as using other support services, which was a “turning point”.
After giving birth to Maisie, Searle said it was “healing” to “finally have our girl”.
“I feel like I’m in a fairly good place now.”
Reflecting on how the loss of Isabel had impacted their family, Searle said they celebrated Isabel as being their children’s eldest sibling.
“In some ways, it makes you sad about the milestones that you would’ve had ... you see how each child is so different, you kind of wonder what she would’ve been like.
“On the flip side, it makes you very grateful for the healthy, beautiful living children that you have.”
Searle’s message to other parents was: ”Don’t be afraid to seek help.
“You will get through it, even when it seems really hard. Try to keep faith because you don’t know what’s around the corner.”
Te Whatu Ora Lakes community perinatal support worker Bianca Taute said the awareness week was to help “normalise the struggles” of perinatal depression and anxiety.
“It’s a very tapu kōrero to have and a lot of whānau don’t want to talk about this.
“When we struggle with our mental health, we revert back to going solo again and it’s really against how we should be. We really need to be open and honest with how we feel.”
If symptoms were “mild” and not affecting everyday activities or mahi [work], Taute advised parents to find ways to “fill their cup”.
“Journalling could be helpful, walking, being one with nature, joining groups [and] being with other people.”
Taute said if pregnant women felt as if symptoms were “taking over their life”, they should speak to their midwives or GP.
If parents have already had their baby, she advised them to speak to their GP to get them connected to support groups.
True Colours - Honouring the Mother founder Michelle Hall, who has previously spoken out about her battle with postnatal depression, said her support group had since focused on working in the antenatal space to prevent women from “going down the rabbit hole”.
“Because once you’re unwell it takes so much longer to improve again and it takes away from the joyfulness of what parenting can offer.”
Hall said an exhibition about perinatal depression called the Blue Stories Project was still running at Rangiora Tauranga Moana Health Centre after opening in March.
Rotorua’s Kimiora Community Trust Waahi Aroha team leader Mai Aoake-Clark said Waahi Aroha was an initiative delivering several free support programmes to the community.
They included a single mothers’ support group, Flying Solo, a Wahine Kaha women’s empowerment group and ROUROU - a programme equipping wahine to establish their own food source by gardening, growing mushrooms and fishing.
It also delivered a weekly HIIT exercise program and Building Awesome Whānau course.
Aoake-Clark said health was “holistic”.
“Single mothers here - if you can tautoko [support] them in different areas of their lives, that is going to impact upon their mental health.”
The single mothers’ support group would go for walks and talk about kaupapa topics and challenges specific to them, including the cost of living, relationship issues and employment opportunities.
It also supported mothers with caring for their tamariki (children) and parenting alone, she said.
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
For counselling and support Lifeline: Call 0800 543 354 or text 4357 (HELP)Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)Need to talk? Call or text 1737Depression helpline: Call 0800 111 757 or text 4202
For children and young people Youthline: Call 0800 376 633 or text 234What’s Up: Call 0800 942 8787 (11am to 11pm) or webchat (11am to 10.30pm)The Lowdown: Text 5626 or webchat
For help with specific issues Alcohol and Drug Helpline: Call 0800 787 797Anxiety Helpline: Call 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)OutLine: Call 0800 688 5463 (0800 OUTLINE) (6pm-9pm)Safe to talk (sexual harm): Call 0800 044 334 or text 4334All services are free and available 24/7 unless otherwise specified.
For more information and support, talk to your local doctor, hauora, community mental health team, or counselling service.