My wife attended kohanga reo with our two children and assisted at their Kura Kaupapa Māori when possible. This included fundraising activities and parental support on school camps. All these activities were conducted in te reo Māori only.
So, what led to this request from a Pākehā wife of her Māori husband? Why would she choose to speak te reo every hour of every day rather than just one “te reo Māori week” of the year?
I can trace it back to another statement Carolyn made earlier in our marriage when she said, “I have watched you walk successfully in my Pākehā world, I will now follow you into your Māori world”.
I had hit an identity crossroads. Sure, I had the flash car, money in the bank for our first home, my first degree in business, excellent career prospects, and other traits that define success in this changing world, but I was confronted by a speaker who jolted me into the reality that I did not know who I was. I had no idea what it really meant to be Māori and I had turned my back on my own people and culture.
I was a part of the lost generation. You see, both my parents had started school fluent in te reo Māori.
Te reo Māori was the only language they knew well. But history shows that from day one at school they were assaulted by teachers until they stopped speaking their mother tongue. So, when I was born as their first child, they chose to bring me up Pākehā. And they did a good job.
Later in my life when my beautiful Pākehā wife asked me what I wanted to do, I told her that I needed to learn my Māori language for starters, which is when she decided to follow me into my world.
After a year of learning te reo Māori together on an Access training course, I became a secondary school teacher, which led to me being appointed the head of the Māori studies department but that’s another story for another time.
Carolyn went on to attend Massey University doing a Bachelor of Arts majoring in Management Information Systems and Māori Studies. After a five-minute conversation with Professor Taiarahia Black, Carolyn came home and made that milestone request that would bring te reo Māori back into our whānau.
We learned, our children learned and after they met their koro, he relearned his mother tongue and took his place on the paepae at our marae.
The process of developing three generations of te reo Māori speakers in our whānau took 30 years.
Carolyn has been adopted by our Māori people. Unknown to me the night before our marriage 38 years ago my grandmother Nanny Rini told Carolyn that when she married me she would become a part of our tribe and that her failures would be our failures and her successes would be our successes.
Carolyn has been taught te reo and tikanga by Māori elders in Te Arawa and Ngati Rangitane in the Manawatū. She has marked te reo Māori assignments at Massey University and teaches te reo Māori to CEOs.
Carolyn walks in my world, and I walk in hers. Te reo Māori is one of the strong bonds and bridges of our marriage. I am as comfortable in the boardrooms of her Pākehā world as she is in the whare tūpuna (ancestral house) of my Māori world.
Te reo Māori should not divide us in Aotearoa: it should be a bridge that develops us as a nation and as New Zealanders. Te reo Māori is good for all generations, Pākehā and Māori and others.
Kia kaha te reo Māori.
Ngahihi o te ra Bidois is a motivational speaker, professional director, businessman, author, husband to Carolyn, father, koro and MBA; a Maori boy from Awahou. See https://thefaceofnewzealand.com/
