Kristin Hall: Are your problems worth the worry?

When it comes to solving problems, I like to think there are four kinds of people - militants, radicals, pacifists and wailers.

Militants are the kind of folk you want to have around. They are the ones that create new pathways when progress is slow. The ones that see a problem and instantly think of new ways in which it can be addressed, the thought turns into action, and the problem is solved. Radicals are innovative, driven and capable. Unfortunately they are also about as rare as a grammatically sound call centre operator.

Then there are the pacifists. No one can really complain about the pacifists as they are almost physically incapable of causing conflict. Whatever the trouble, the pacifist will float along the surface of it like a quarrel-free buoy, bobbing up and down and in whichever way the ocean of majority is happy to force it. By their very nature, pacifists are about as inoffensive as a Swiss person in beige. They are also for the most part, completely useless.

Finally, and most unfortunately, there are the wailers. The most dangerous thing about wailers is that it can be hard to pick them from a distance. Because they are physically a completely inactive bunch, their true wailing potential is under the surface, cunningly disguised until they are in close enough proximity to be heard. Once the slate of disapproval begins, there is no end and like a raging volcanic torrent of idiocy the wailing cannot be ceased without a considerable amount of effort or anaesthetic. Wailers rank only just below tapeworms as the most hideous creatures to occupy the earth.

As wonderful as the invention of telecommunications is, it also provides extra avenues for people (that should quite possibly never be heard) to be heard by the maximum amount of people they can possibly pry into conversation.

My job unfortunately involves an 0800 number, meaning people of any age, income and state of mental composure can contact me whenever they so please. Ironically, pleased is very rarely ever the right description.

Over the course of my employment I have been sworn at, threatened and on some occasions quite seriously disturbed at the sheer amount of hatred that can be produced by the human brain.

When people have a problem with what they see on television, they come to me. I have had racists, sexists and sadists all demanding to know why the world portrayed on their screen does not fit their ideal interpretation of it. I have been demanded to fix everything from a failing government to censoring the filthy lesbians on Shortland Street. I have had people on the verge of breakdown because I couldn't tell them why their Ab circle Pro hadn't made them lose 35 kilos. In one of the most alarming incidents, I was told I was going to be blown up if I didn't connect said caller to the White House so he could tell Obama he was both a hypocrite and an undercover Israeli spy.

Wailers are rude, unrelenting and very rarely grateful if you happen to be able to solve one of their plethora of ridiculous mini-crises. Yet, they are also oddly refreshing. For all their faults the wailers of the world really put things into perspective. On nights I have spent in a dark office lapsing in and out of consciousness while listening to Beryl from Murchison complaining that Country Calendar isn't what it used to be, I can rest easy as my life will probably never be miserable enough for me to think about Country Calendar at 4am.

The wailers, complainers and couch campaigners, if nothing else provide a light source of both amusement and relief. They are the ones that scatter your wait in the supermarket line with unnecessary expiry date-related cursing. They are the street hippies with loudhailers, opinions and a somewhat miscellaneous cause.

You are probably no stranger to wailers either, there will be some at your workplace, school or creeping menacingly close to your social circle. Resist the urge to club them into submission, at least until you've heard them out. Nod approvingly, move on and rejoice in the fact that at least your problems are worth worrying about. Just don't catch the disease, it appears to be contagious.