Either that or the branch will break and I'll do myself an injury. And the dog will do his business on my grass anyway.
Oh well. We'll see how it goes.
I wonder if Mrs P will come out to supply me with food and drink?
That seems to be the way with all the cop show stakeouts I see on telly.
They are always sipping from a styrofoam cup - coffee if it's an American programme and tea if it's British.
And if it's not a car parked in an obvious location then it's always a white, unmarked van. The van is full of so much electrical surveillance gear it probably hums. And it's parked right across from the action. The white paintwork an obvious giveaway, yet none of the crims notice. The strange ways of TV I guess.
Anyway, as previously mentioned, the reason for my night-time stakeout is the regular mess being made next to our letterbox by canine unknown.
Now don't get me wrong. It's certainly not a big issue by world standards.
I totally understand there are more important matters to take issue with in today's society.
It's a reasonable bet to assume the SIS hasn't provided Mr Key with any information on the doggie do incident (as far as I know), troop movements around the world have remained unchanged and the sharemarket is unlikely to tumble to new lows.
But I'm annoyed.
Mainly because it has happened every day for the last six days. On the piece of the world I pay rates on!
Every morning I go out to get my dose of the Rotorua Daily Post (the Friday columnists are well worth a pay rise I reckon) and there it is.
What makes it worse is that roaming dogs are few and far between in our neighbourhood and the regularity of the contribution makes me 99 per cent certain the dog's owner has been standing there watching his/her little angel while the offending is taking place on their nightly walk.
That narks me. I mean when I take George for his stroll I always take a couple of bags for ready removal of indiscriminate deliveries.
Yes. It is embarrassing. Particularly when you meet someone who wants to shake your hand and chat ... before you've had time to get rid of the bag. It is worse still if you see them coming, slip the bag into your jacket and then they hug you! Been there. Done that.
But carrying the bag and picking it up is the decent thing to do. And there's no need whatsoever to be embarrassed if your dog should have an accident.
Unless of course I've spotted you leaving it by my letterbox, and I've had to come swinging down on a bendy branch like James Bond.
Then you'll most definitely be shaken, not stirred.
-Kevin Page has been a journalist for 34 years. He hasn't made enough money to retire after writing about serious topics for years so he's giving humour a shot instead.
