And I have to be honest, some of my stuff (all hugely important of course) has found its way there too ... as well as items which appear new and look like they have been purchased at Briscoe's most recent sale.
I suspect the spare room is being used as some sort of holding area before the said items are slowly introduced into the regular household without me noticing. I wonder who could be planning that?
So you get the picture. The spare room is a jumble and Mrs P, domestic goddess that she is, has gone all army general on me and is organising the plan of attack.
Over the course of the day things are moved, dumped (yep, dumped!) and cleaned and now we have just the bed to make and we're done. Well sort of.
We're going to have a pillow fight first.
Not the kind of drag 'em out, thump 'em madly sort of thing you had as a kid, with the hope the stitching would come undone and feathers would fill the air. More a discussion over the correct placement of the pillow on the bed, or more particularly the opening on the pillowcase.
Law 27 sub section d, paragraph 3c of the Good Housekeeping Code says: A pillow placed on any bed must not have the case opening visible upon entering any room.
Here's the thing.
Basically I am a bloke and the correct placement of the said opening interests me very little. If Angelina Jolie were reclining on the said item I may, just may, be convinced to melt at her feet and offer to paint her toenails but otherwise a pillow is a pillow. Just chuck it on the bed. Put your head on it. Go to sleep. Simple.
Mrs P on the other hand is traditionally hospital-trained and proficient at making beds, "hospital corners" and all that, and the incorrect placement of pillows is an irritation to her trained eye.
It seems she is not the only one.
Apparently nurses the country over get together and discuss such things. Don't quote me on this but I understand there may be some wine involved during this discussion. Though I presume other important issues are on the agenda too.
Fair enough, I suppose. I am led to believe blokes have a beer when discussing rugby.
Regardless, it is a sense of pride to many nurses that their pillowcase openings face away from the door so you can't see what's inside. By all accounts Matron would approve wholeheartedly.
"But what happens when you have a double bed?" I enquired of my beloved as I stood there getting the lowdown on Matron's Rules For A Tidy Bed.
I stifled a smile as I said it. I thought I had her.
"Based on what you're saying you can't have the openings facing out. But if you've got two pillows facing together to avoid that you'd still be able to see some part of the opening and it would look untidy."
Mrs P agreed this was not an appropriate look and Matron would not be happy.
Therefore an acceptable compromise would be to place a third, smaller, cushion type pillow, with no opening, between the two.
"But we haven't got one of those," I said, deliberately trying to eke out more of a victory than I should have.
"I know," she said, a smile emerging across her face.
"But I've seen just the thing in Briscoes. I'll pop in straight away and get it."
*Kevin Page has been a journalist for 34 years. He hasn't made enough money to retire after writing about serious topics for years so he's giving humour a shot instead.
