Kevin Page: Hoping the political shoe fits snugly

Electing a politician and buying new golf shoes - they'll both get my vote of approval. Photo / Thinkstock

Deciding who to vote for at the election tomorrow is a lot like selecting a new pair of shoes.

This dawned on me the other day as I waited in line to pay for the new golf shoes I had purchased at Rebel Sport.

"Golf shoes. White. Size 12," I had confidently answered when a gaggle (or is that geese) of shop assistants descended upon me enquiring if they could help just as my big toe crossed the threshold.

Five minutes later, the shoes had been tried on, the toe pressed and decision made.

And now here I was in line hoping to get them paid for quickly so I could get back to Mrs P who was dangerously wandering around Briscoes with a cat-got-the-cream expression on her face and a credit card in her hand.

It wasn't to be.

The sale (imagine that, Rebel having a sale) had obviously piqued the interest of the multitudes, and there was already a queue at the checkout.

This included the two people ahead of me talking about who they were going to vote for. I was not able to ascertain whether wearing a cap backwards was a particular sign of any political affiliation but their conversation started to give me a headache.

I know. I know. I shouldn't be so negative. I understand it's important but I'm sorry. I've become quite cynical over the whole business.

And I'm pretty certain there's a fair few others out there who would just rather get it over and done with and get on with the business of everyday life ... like buying a pair of shoes.

Anyway. While I was trying real hard not to think about politics and the election I ended up thinking about shoes ... AND politics and the election. Always the way isn't it.

And I came up with this: I reckon politicians and shoes share a lot of similarities.

Think about it.

Firstly, when you choose your shoe you want one that is a good fit for you don't you?

Sort of like a politician who fits your way of thinking. You want him or her in Parliament like you want that shoe in your shoe rack.

You want a shoe that understands what you want and will embrace your foot easily and not rub you up the wrong way.

And you want your shoes to stay that way.

You don't want your flat sole to change into a platform heel a year after you've rewarded them with a place in the shoe rack, and suddenly go join the other platform heels on the other side.

And you want to know your shoes will work hard for you while they are there don't you?

Will they still be able to do the job after three years or will they just drift to the back of the shoe rack and hide, quietly hoping they can keep all the benefits associated with being there without having to actually do anything?

You know, of course, that in three years' time you'll pull them out but you won't be able to get rid of them.

"They may just be popular again," you tell yourself but they don't.

By then the moment has passed and they gradually work their way to the back again for another quiet three years.

It'll be nine years before they get thrown out.

Then there's making sure your shoe is part of the right mix. Like MMP.

Does it go with just some outfits or all of them? Will it tend to dominate an outfit or will it just slot quietly in over issues of confidence and supply?

Then, of course, there's the colour issue. Rainbow-coloured shoes for everyone I say.

Yep, shoes and politicians are very similar.

But I'll only be thinking about my new golf shoes when I go to vote tomorrow.

And I'll be happy knowing that I can put the boot in without fear of my taxes going up.

Kevin Page has been a journalist for 34 years. He hasn't made enough money to retire after writing about serious topics for years so he's giving humour a shot instead.