Jane Trask: Are we still living in a man's world?

Does self-doubt sabotage self-confidence? Photo / Getty Images

COMMENT
I got to chatting with a friend recently and she has just been awarded a scholarship to complete her doctorate in education over the next five years.

And the first thing she said to me after sharing this news was: "I really want to tell everyone about it, I want to share my news on social media, but I just can't. I can't bring myself to share positive news about myself."

Whether this was more about her fear of what others would think about her, would they judge her for sharing?

Was she merely tooting her own horn?

Was she just after the "likes" and formal congratulations that others would offer?

Whatever it was, it stopped her from sharing it online.

The pressure that comes from gaining such a scholarship is high enough to complete it to a top standard without having added pressure that others might place on her too.

Most of the women in my life were or are raised to be confident and fierce, with the ability to chase any dream that they want.

Work hard and you will achieve.

Set goals and be successful.

We have always been encouraged to never put limitations on our ability because we are female, never to settle for anything less and that, of course, we can do anything our male counterparts can do.

Regardless, there seems to be a point in most women's lives where confidence wanes and doubt creeps in.

We can be confident in some areas and fearful in others.

So why do young girls who are confident continue to lose their confidence as they grow through their teens and early adulthood?

The lucky ones come through the other side of puberty and adolescence with a renewed confidence and self-belief that they are the powerhouses in their lives.

Only we can build ourselves up and challenge the male-dominated world that we still live in with our balanced and thoughtful thinking, which often comes from emotional creativity and understanding of situations and problems.

Why in those teenage years are we so affected by the saturation of information and opinions about ourselves that our self-belief and our confidence are challenged?

We grow through life while we navigate endless media images and confrontation of our role in society as women, always seeming to have to justify choices and decisions that perhaps males don't?

We constantly battle thoughts in our heads, doubt creeping in at times and clouding judgement with fear.

Why are we so passionate in this country about disagreeing with someone else's success?

How come we cannot celebrate individual success without feeling the need to add doubt into their lives?

Why is tall poppy syndrome so prevalent in our country? What miserable joy do we get from commenting negatively?

It certainly doesn't help the recipient and I'm almost sure it doesn't help us either.

As women age, the self-doubt that has crept in is overpowered by increasing self-belief which comes with gaining more confidence.

We only become better equipped at ignoring the doubt as long as we are supported by others.

Part of maturing into ourselves is gaining a sense of trust and belief in our values and opinions gained from experience and success.

Humans require approval from each other to help lift their sense of self-worth and regardless of being male or female we should be encouraging success and not being dismissive instead.

As I grow in age and experience I know my confidence is safe most of the time.

I often reflect on the past, wishing I had had the confidence I have now back then, in a situation which would have benefited from it.

But I guess that is life and we continue to grow and learn until the day we die.

My friend chose not to post the news online in the end, sharing it only with her family and friends close to her.

We celebrated her success and offered encouragement to her as she embarks on this next exciting and challenging adventure.

The reason she didn't post it? She didn't want to come across as if she was showing off.

She is a confident professional, one who comes from a family of four brothers and one where she was raised to believe and be confident in herself as a female.

And yet society's perception, or rather our perception of society stops us in our tracks.

I hope she changes her mind, she has every right to feel proud of her achievement and as her friends online and in real life, we would support her in this endeavour.

The challenge as we move forward is to lift others up, be kind and supportive.

Male and females are equally needed within our society for their talents, thinking and expertise in a field and therefore should equally support each other in initiative and success.

Lifting someone else up, doesn't bring you down.

Celebrating someone's success doesn't make you less so.

Be brave, be strong, believe in yourself and most of all be kind.