My name is Cira, I like kebabs dripping in barbecue sauce and indulging in a couple of wines with my mates at the weekend. I have the upper-body strength of a seal and your grandmother can probably outrun me. What better person to test out the hyped-up F45 8-week challenge?
I'm into my third week of the F45 8-week challenge and you're probably wondering why this is the first you've heard of it.
The challenge began around the world on July 22 and I signed up at F45 Rotorua.
It's a workout craze taking the world by storm. The daily "Functional 45" classes are high intensity and test participants using bodyweight rather than equipment.
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The challenge happens four times a year. This is Rotorua's third challenge and the biggest by a landslide; 99 people have signed up.
Day one of the challenge was an electronic scale telling me my weight, height, body fat percentage and muscle mass.
"Do you drink a lot of water?" That was the question asked when I got my scan. He already knew the answer from my results: "No".
Heading into the challenge, the scan was something I was most nervous about.
I'm a healthy weight but I felt vulnerable having every inch of me, inside and out, put under a magnifying glass followed by a photo in my bikini.
As uncomfortable as I was doing it, it was fascinating and left me with a few surprises. One being my right arm had 0.2kg more muscle than my left.
It also helped me set some goals: muscle tone and definition, improving my cardiovascular ability and doing an unassisted pull-up.
I'm not a big person and my journey, like everyone, is improving what I'm working with, which makes comments like "you don't need to go to the gym" tiring.
The first week was disrupted by a trip to Australia I had booked with my sister months before I knew I'd be doing the challenge.
But I went to two classes before I left.
To say my body went into shock is an understatement.
I left the cardio class with my T-shirt drenched, throat burning and struggled to even turn my steering wheel after the resistance class.
Spoiler alert – nothing's changed by the third week.
While abroad, my will power was put to the test with mouth-watering food constantly tempting me.
There are three phases of the challenge.
The first, "Spring Training", is a two-week detox with no red meat, dairy, caffeine, gluten, refined sugar, high-fructose fruits, alcohol.
I went cold-turkey on caffeine on the first day and was disgusted at how much I couldn't function.
The next day I decided against getting fired and had a coffee. And I made it strong. Sorry trainers.
Otherwise, the diet guidelines weren't too difficult because I can't have dairy and I don't eat red meat unless in its prime form - a sausage roll.
In saying that, I felt a lot of guilt and confusion while on holiday because I was unable to do the classes and couldn't follow the meal plan.
Week one: Two classes.
Favourite class: Tokyo disco - two pods, 12 stations. Pod one is all upper body, pod two is all lower body.
Coming back in time for week two, unexpected changes in my shifts saw me working a range of late, early and normal shifts.
I'd missed six days of classes and it stressed me out that I could have put myself in bad step to achieving my goals. And it's not something you can lie about with that damn body scan.
But after my first class back last week I weirdly felt at home again. Dramatic, I know, given I'd been to two sessions.
I'm sorry; I'm going to be one of those people, but I'm obsessed.
The trainers are insanely supportive and I've never seen so many gym-goers genuinely friendly, chatty and happy.
I hate going to a gym and feeling like the potato everyone is watching. Over here, everyone's in their own bubble, pushing themselves to their own limit and we're all dying so there's no judgement.
There are also no mirrors and no machinery besides stationary bikes and rowing machines. Owner/trainer Jesse Acton says this is to make sure the self-improvement focus is not centred on ego.
The workouts are fast-paced circuits and it's impossible to get bored with the constant change from one high-intensity station to another.
They're fun - in torturous kind of way - and anything but easy.
I'm not going to lie, by the end of the second week I felt pretty flat: I was exhausted from work, sleep deprived and frustrated at having missed so many classes and not following the meal plan like the Bible.
Knowing I'm already past halfway to the next check in (at four weeks) is quite daunting. Have I done enough? Am I eating too much or too little? How the heck am I going to get in the recommended 3L of water a day?
But I pushed that aside and have made it to a class every day since Saturday.
As fatigued as I am when I walk out those doors, I've been finding I have a lot more energy and motivation in other areas of my life. Coincidence? Maybe, but I don't think so.
Week two: Four classes
Favourite class: Romans - a resistance based workout with a focus to lift as heavy as possible, every set. Bonus points for having an exercise called skull crusher.