Sonya Bateson: Christmas stress: It’s okay to say ‘no’ at this time of year

OPINION

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Soon the bells will start.

And the thing that’ll make ‘em ring is the carol that you sing,

Right within your heart.

I’ve had that song stuck in my head for approximately 238.5 hours now, and it’s probably stuck in yours too, now. You’re welcome.

I’m not mad about it, though. Christmas is my favourite time of year – the sun is shining, the weather is warm, the people are happy, and the food smells great.

It’s the one day a year when most New Zealanders come together with a common goal: to celebrate, take a day of rest, and have fun with the people we cherish most.

To that end, I reckon these last two days before the 25th have got to be the busiest days of the entire year.

If your homes are anything like mine, there’ll be a steady bustle of activity from dawn to dusk as you scramble to complete your remaining tasks: Last-minute wrapping, clouds of flour and icing sugar, supervision of toddler Christmas card-making, and arm-wrestling the other shoppers at the supermarket for the last punnet of strawberries.

In fact, I bet many of you reading this today will be doing so while taking a quick breather during the chaos of Christmas prep. You just know there’s a lengthy list of tasks that need to be completed by tomorrow, or else Christmas will be doomed. Not really, of course, but it sure feels that way when you’ve got a million things to do.

All of that, of course, with an ever-present undercurrent of the same 20 or so Christmas songs we hear every year and thereby know by heart.

I love it.

Of course, not everyone shares my enthusiasm for the jolly season. Some of you may be secret (or not-so-secret) grinches who hate everything to do with the excess and exuberance of Christmas. Some may not celebrate for personal or religious reasons, and others still may simply not enjoy the holiday.

And that’s fine. I’ll happily eat that glazed ham on your behalf.

Jokes aside, Christmas isn’t pleasant for everyone and it’s important to acknowledge that.

There are some of us for whom Christmas is the hardest time of year.

Those who have lost, or are estranged from, someone dear to them may be feeling more grief than joy right now, whether it’s been one month or 60 years. Some wounds never heal, we just learn to live with them.

Others may be struggling with their physical or mental health, and the pressures of putting on a happy face for family and friends can feel like a mammoth, inescapable task.

And then there are those of us who will be agonising over what their children will be missing out on due to financial pressures outside of their children’s control. How do you find the words to tell your child that Santa won’t be coming this year because Mummy and Daddy are too poor? Especially as they watch their neighbours playing on their new bikes in the backyard.

I can’t even imagine how hard that must be.

If you’re in the position to do so, consider doing something small to help make someone else’s Christmas that little bit more magical. I don’t just mean money, either, although there are plenty of worthy charities that will make good use of any dollars you can spare.

It doesn’t take much to show someone you’re thinking of them – perhaps there’s an elderly person on their own down the street you could drop some leftovers to, or maybe your Aunty Agatha could really do with a phone call right about now. Small gestures can mean the world.

And if you can’t do anything at all, that’s okay too. In fact, saying “no” is a healthy thing to do once in a while and it’s a skill many adults struggle with.

It’s okay to recognise you’re at your limit and say “no”, or “not this year”. The weight of others’ expectations can truly be a lodestone around your neck, and sometimes the only thing we can do to get rid of that guilt and anxiety is to use that magic little two-letter word.

So if Uncle Horace rings up and asks you at the last minute to bring your famous thrice-baked potatoes to Christmas lunch, you’re allowed to say “no”, even if you could, technically, pull it off in time. Blame it on me if you have to. Go on, I give you permission.

Whether you’re a Christmas fiend like me, a grinch, or a person who does not celebrate the holiday at all, I think it is important for all of us to set aside a day to take stock of the people we treasure and find a way to show them we love them.

Each of us has the power within us to make someone else smile – and that is a gift worth giving.

Sonya Bateson is a writer, reader, and crafter raising her family in Tauranga. She is a Millennial who enjoys eating avocado on toast, drinking lattes and defying stereotypes. As a sceptic, she reserves the right to change her mind when presented with new evidence.