The past week has escalated and, just like a roller coaster, my feelings have been continually up and down as we navigate this new normal.
This normal feels anything but.
Earlier this week we were living in a preventative level 2 alert for the Covid-19 virus.
Everyone was already on edge and social distancing and self-isolation were being practiced all around us.
Fast forward and we have just entered the level 4 alert. Everyone is in self-isolation, everywhere in lockdown.
My husband's non-essential business has shut. Yesterday he was working out the last-minute logistics of how to pay wages with government help for his 20 staff we value so much.
I'm at home already playing "schools" and trying to navigate how to do that around my newly found working-from-home status.
I'm drinking instant coffee. Desperate times and all that. I couldn't get my husband's coffee machine to work, the kids have already had device time and it's not even 9.30am.
Four weeks left.
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The level 3 announcement left me anxious as it was grocery day in our house.
Turns out it was grocery day in everyone else's house as well. Those with kids know just how much more they eat and snack when they are home and I am so happy food and essential needs will still be met during this time. No one needs to panic. Even if we feel like it inside.
I'm thankful the Government is taking the hardline and using this window of opportunity to get on top of this virus for the sake of our entire country. This is the right thing to do because of the medical information guiding our Government and the (only) added bonus of being a few weeks behind in the pandemic to the rest of the world. We have benefited from this knowledge.
I am wholeheartedly backing this national decision.
I'm grateful for the teachers who have worked extra hard and long hours this past week to provide stimulus and activities for us to do while we are at home with our children.
I'm caught between wanting to nervously giggle at the ridiculous prospect of being at home with my boys and husband for four weeks straight and wanting to hide in my bed and wallow in the sense of helplessness and loss of choice that is so minimal in the grand scheme of things.
I'm thankful for the frontline medical, emergency, pharmacy, supermarket and all the other essential front line people who will be working tirelessly over this next uncertain time period.
I worry about unsafe homes, whether others have enough food and whether people will abide by these guidelines. I worry about the elderly, the domestic violence relationships, the homeless and my own family and friends.
I worry about everyone's mental health. I worry about my own. Our own minds are our worst enemies sometimes. I'm trying to think about taking it one day at a time.
My brother is working in South America. My sister and nieces live in Dunedin. Although my parents, in-laws and other extended family members are in the same town as me, I feel sad that I can't just go and see them for a while. Thank goodness for modern communication.
I know it's the right thing to do to stop the Covid-19 trajectory. I trust, I believe that others are making the best decisions for our entire country in this unreal situation we find ourselves in.
Our lives have just been turned upside down as we know it. Kids are home, husband home. My 8-year-old is excited because he gets another four weeks' holiday. Little does he know he can't go anywhere and there is still school work to be done.
Master 5 is excited to play rugby all day in the garden.
I guess my take-home for this week is trying to focus on what is right in front of us right now. For me, that's keeping the homefront safe and secure for my family. My most important role right now is to be a mother. It's keeping my mental health in check by exercising regularly and trying to distract myself from bigger picture worries.
I have complete trust in this process, our world will renew and our country will shine bright again. We will make history.
As long as we can survive ourselves, stay safe and kind and work together albeit in isolation, to combat this pandemic we are facing, we will survive. We have to.