"First-day alliances are the most solid"
Reality contest fans are spoilt for choice this week with the start on Kiwi TV screens of Cycle 16 of America's Next Top Model and season 23 of Survivor.
Along with Project Runway, these are the the kingpins of the genre, and their returns - both so soon after their most recent series, bring a welcome respite from a telly diet of the Glee Project, Paradise Hotel and the Australian Amazing Race.
The latter's not actually that bad - but its scheduling seems all over the show and you end up stuck with several hours' worth left to watch on the PVR.
And the Amazing Race without Phil is a bit like Survivor without Jeff - dreckitude.
ANTM is another story - we have our own Top Model without Tyra - and it works. It's great telly and Sara Tetro is unashamedly Kiwi Sara and not a Down Under version of Ms Banks.
And if you thought it was cruel to take Aroha to the airport and let her believe she was in for an exotic trip before dumping her from the show check out what Tyra pulled at the beginning of this season of ANTM.
The obligatory casting call, a parade of freaks and wannabes embarrassing themselves, is gone, replaced by a cruel trick designed to elicit tears and recriminations.
The final 20, 33, what have you were gathered awaiting the verdict. They were all handed envelopes - revealing whether or not they were in.
The successful contestants were led away, the rejects left to wallow in self-pity.
Only it turns out this was just the first of Tyra's life-lessons.
The rejects were actually the chosen ones - Heaven knows what happened to the women who had first been told they were in. "I'm sorry," they were probably told. "You're not actually going to be on the show - you've been playing a part in a massive charade. Sorry to shatter your dreams."
Ah well, they were probably just cheap actresses, but it's interesting the show didn't feel the need to make that clear.
Survivor also has its cruel moments - and it's amazing the players never seem to see them coming.
You know, those lifelong friends you made huddling together in a makeshift shelter on a rain-sodden tropical beach, who then stabbed you in the back in their quest for $1 million, for some reason chose the money over you.
Who woulda thunk it.
It's great that Four is showing Survivor not long after its original screening - it's way too hard to navigate the world wide internet without coming across spoilers.
This season it's tough to pick a winner. Ozzy and Coach are back but neither is the player Boston Rob is - and they don't have the chops to go all the way.
Chances are the winning contestant won't be one of those who turned up to Samoa wearing a business suit - have they not seen the show?
Best money is on one of the five-person alliance formed by Coach on Day 1. As one player (probably the Dragon Slayer himself) noted: first-day alliances are the most solid.
We shall see.