Parenting: What to tell the kids about Santa...

Santa Claus

Santa Claus, Father Christmas, call him what you will. Thousands of parents will this year get their children to leave carrots for the reindeer and a glass of milk for Santa.

For the next eight weeks they'll bribe their children to be good "or else you won't get a visit from Santa" and they'll tell their children their presents will be delivered by reindeer in the night after being made by elves in the North Pole.

In the 21st century, when the character of Santa is far removed from its origins, is it a tradition that has lost its magic? Are we buying into the commercialisation of holidays and raising our children to be focused on gifts?

There are many different folklore characters upon whom the modern-day Father Christmas is based. In the Netherlands they have Sinterklass, who visits on December 6.

Sinterklass became Santa Claus in 18th-century United States but it wasn't until the 19th century that the reindeer came along and he was characterised as a portly old man with a white beard. His red suit dates to the turn of the 20th century.

The character of Father Christmas dates back as far as 16th century in England when he was pictured as a large man in green or scarlet robes lined with fur. He typified the spirit of good cheer at Christmas, bringing peace, joy, good food and wine and revelry. As England no longer kept the feast day of Saint Nicholas on December 6, the Father Christmas celebration was moved to December 25 to coincide with Christmas Day.

The Victorian revival of Christmas included Father Christmas as the emblem of "good cheer".

Each year there are Santa parades and children can get their photos taken sitting on his knee, after giving him their list of preferred toys and promising they have been good.

You can post a letter to Santa and eagerly anticipate his arrival by tracking his sleigh through the skies. Leave him some refreshment to help him on his journey and then watch the excitement on your children's faces as they open up their stockings (or pillowcases in my experience).

But how do you deal with those awkward moments when Santa's existence is questioned?

Do you laugh it off, or do you tell the truth?

You should find out what prompted their question. Maybe they heard something at school or maybe some part of the story seems illogical to them. If the latter is the case, praise them for their critical thinking. Knowing their reasons for asking the question will help you answer the question more skilfully.

Next you should ask what your child believes. Just because the child is asking questions doesn't necessarily mean they are emotionally ready to believe the truth. Asking, "Well, what do you think?" will give you an idea of where the child is both emotionally and cognitively. If the child still believes in Santa, despite any outside doubts, it's not time yet.

You should next tell some truth. That your child is seeking for you to reassure them of Santa Claus' existence. A child needs to believe in something magical and pure. Do not be fooled when a child says that they do not care if Santa is real, that all they want is the presents. This is a child's way of deflecting their desire for believing in Santa in a way that will induce the parent to "disclose"the truth.

Tell your child that Santa is real, and that if they don't believe in him, then perhaps no presents will come on Christmas. Remember: the belief in Santa Claus is the final frontier of innocence, and to deny them that is to rob them of a childhood.

Also remember, that when you tell your child that there is no Santa, your child will very likely tell his classmates that there is no Santa, thus destroying their belief when their parents would not have it so. Expect many calls from angry parents demanding answers as to why your child told theirs that no Santa Claus existed.

Next you should apologise, if your child feels betrayed by you. Most children will not be angry, but be prepared for this outcome. Explain that until they asked the question, you could not reveal the answer. Also explain that you did that because it's a wonderful story that brought you and the child a lot of joy.

Likewise, instruct your child to keep the secret of Santa and not ridicule anyone who argue that Santa is real.

Finally, explain that Santa embodies the real spirit of Christmas. That you can keep Santa alive in your heart for as long as you want to do so.

Dana Kinita: Why my son doesn't believe in Santa

It was never really a planned move. My son had a unique start to life, so when the first Christmas came around we just celebrated that we were a family and that he was in our lives.

He, like most 8-month-olds, was oblivious to anything out of the usual and, between sleeping and eating, was fixated on a stray piece of tinsel - ignoring any gift that had been painstakingly wrapped.

His second Christmas was pretty much the same - I believe it was a large box that won his favour that year.

It was then that I realised I hadn't taught my son about Santa Claus and I was completely fine with that decision. We have never gone out of our way to shun the jolly guy's image, we couldn't even if we tried. We go along to the Santa parades, take part at child care each year when one of the dads is roped in to the suit.

It's not a big issue.

This was not a judgment call based on religion. It wasn't even the need for him to recognise that his parents work hard to buy the things we have. Sure, an important life lesson but one that a now 3-year-old can pick up later.

The main reason is because, well, Santa Claus doesn't exist. I struggle with telling my child something that I know isn't true. Not only that, but having to perpetuate this fable year after year wasn't very appealing.

My son doesn't miss out. He is loved. He receives gifts and, more importantly, is learning to give. For us, the day is being with family and friends, and valuing the time we have together.

I've been criticised in the past for this stance for my son. Not feeding his imagination and damaging his creativity has been a favourite accusation. But I think if we encourage his love of books and pretend play, we'll overcome that hurdle.

I am not in any way judging parents who raise their child believing. That is the personal choice that you have made for your family, just like this is the one we have made for mine.