Dear Colleen
My parents are very strict and don't like me going out on my own with friends even though I am 16 now. I know it's because my sister was killed in a car accident when her friends had been drinking but I'm not my sister.
Her death has
affected me also so I can't see why they don't trust me. I would never get in a car with someone who had been drinking and no matter where I am. If I had been drinking I would ring my parents to come and get me. I'd never in a million years put them through the same trauma again.
Please, I just want a normal life with my friends. They are all going camping next week and I want to go too.
- Craving a normal life
Dear Craving
It's probably not an issue of trust for your parents, it's likely to be one of fear. They lost someone precious to them and the grief of that never completely goes away.
You are showing maturity to understand that they have reasons to be strict. Another aspect of maturity is the understanding that by its nature, alcohol limits your ability to make good choices. When you're sober, it's easier to say never, but after alcohol-not so clear. Yes, you should be able to have 'a normal life with your friends' but unfortunately 'normal' in our culture is often that of teenage binge drinking.
You are going to have to prove to them little bit by little bit that you can keep yourself safe. What type of camping trip is this going to be? Is there any supervision and who is going? Get all the facts and put a case to them.
Perhaps they can come by to see how things are going? Remember they have good reason to be concerned. Tell them what you think and work out a plan together of boundaries and behaviours so they can feel less fearful and you know things will change with time.
- Colleen
NEED ADVICE? If you have a question for our Ask Colleen column, email weekender@dailypost.co.nz. Please keep questions under 200 words. If you would like to make contact with Rotorua relationship counsellor Colleen Mullin, you can email her at info@pillowtalkconsulting.com