To say she was surprised would be an understatement. Normally I make a simple cup of tea when I come through the door having completed my day’s labour. Boom, boom.
Let me explain.
First, I’ll just point out that in no way am I intending to minimise the shock and angst those who do lose their jobs in the more, unfortunately, traditional way go through. Having been there myself thanks to Covid, I can relate.
So, we’re at a work meeting a while ago and the boss is outlining some difficulties the company is facing. Just like thousands of other businesses around the country at the moment.
I’ve been around the traps long enough to know if the writing is not so much as on the wall by now there’s someone out the back cleaning that wall to make sure it really stands out when it does go up, if you know what I mean.
I’ve also had a go at business myself and, having done the sums, I was pretty sure my department was a likely target for any dreaded “restructuring” and in all likelihood I would be the one awarded the DCM (Don’t Come Monday).
Now, if there’s one thing I have enjoyed about the company I work for three days a week outside of this gig, it’s their openness. So off I went to see the boss and over coffee it became pretty obvious to me where the axe would fall if we were to go down that path.
I should point out here there is a formal process to follow in these things which, in my humble opinion, sometimes does not allow for a commonsense approach. So, long story short, I opted to jump first on terms everyone was happy with.
So, what this all means is that after June 12 Mrs P will no longer be able to complain about the fabric in my work uniform which she maintains is clogging up the washing machine.
It also means our income stops, apart from the three bags of gold and a McDonald’s Happy Meal voucher I get each week for this giggle over your cornflakes.
So while I’m calling my departure “early retirement”, I reckon I might end up doing some fruit picking or the like at some stage. We’ll see.
Now here’s the exciting part.
As you know, Mrs P and I have bought a giant caravan in which we planned to see a bit of the country.
In the back of our minds we had been thinking it would be nice to retire early – we’ve both got four years or so to go till Wellington starts paying us back for our tax contributions over the decades – and had tentatively scribbled “next year” on the calendar.
We’ve now changed that to read “next month”.
As a result, the last few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind.
After Mrs P got over the initial shock – and I toned down my boisterous “she’ll be right” attitude - we settled into a forward thinking and planning routine.
We will be renting out our house at the end of June and plan to stay around the area in the caravan for a month or so as we find our sea legs - or rather caravan legs.
After that, we’ll go where the wind takes us.
Naturally, there’s been a lot of stuff to sort at home and we’ve been actively selling some things and donating other items.
The thing about organising stuff to go into storage is you get to have a good sort out at the same time.
As an example, Mrs P has been through her collection of 1746 pairs of shoes and whittled it down to just 327 pairs. She says she “might” even be able to cull that total further. Ahem. Watch this space.
I haven’t yet worked out exactly what I’ll be taking in the caravan but it will definitely include a good book – can’t remember the last time I read a book – and probably a bottle of gin. Or two.
I figure if nothing else, reading a good book in a warm and dry caravan with the occasional tipple close by can’t be that bad. And if Mrs P wants to rotate wearing the three pairs of shoes she’ll be taking – I hope she doesn’t read this – then I’m sure she’ll be happy too.
On the money side, I’ll be straight up with you. It won’t be an extravagant lifestyle but regardless it “feels” like the right time. As they say, you can’t take it with you when you depart this mortal Earth.
We’ve done all right rather than spectacular over the years. Saved well and invested okay – apart from that snail farming venture which literally crawled along at the proverbial pace before we got out of it - and I have a little business project I’ve been working on for a while. I’ll have more time to see if I can get that off the ground.
All in all, now we’ve had time to digest our decision and actually get on with it, we are looking forward to it.
I guess it might have been more sensible to have done it in summer rather than the depths of winter but sometimes you don’t have the choice do you?
So, on June 12 after I hand back my freshly washed work uniform and newly cleaned company vehicle, I will head home to the love of a good woman and a celebratory gin and tonic.
Two ice cubes, a decent splash of trepidation and a nice refreshing top of up excitement.
Perfect.
