Wyn Drabble: Signs that tickled my fancy

Some signs just make you smile. Photo / File

I like to keep you right up to date with signs that tickle my fancy so here are the latest.

The first was in a gentlemen's restroom in a hotel where, right by the soap dispenser, a sign said "Only one pump per person" (or words to that effect).

I think I can say in all honesty that's the first time I have ever seen a sign stipulating how many pumps or presses of the soap button you are allowed. Granted there may be a valid back story to justify it but it still tickled my fancy (one chortle only) and if it doesn't tickle yours I can live with that.

You might prefer this one from an Asian men's toilet: "Please urinate with precision and elegance."

The soap directive reminded me of a sandwich board sign at a motel some years ago. One of the breakfast offerings was "Cereal with canned peaches or pears (BUT NOT BOTH)".

My jaded memory can't be certain whether the bracketed words were upper case or underlined but, either way, the effect is the same.

The trick to counter this ruling was for one of you to order peaches and the other pears then redistribute the fruit before eating (twin share only). Or you could make some sort of stone fruit/pip fruit arrangement with the people in the room next door.

My point is that there would have been a way around this menu requirement.

I'm afraid the next one will only appeal to crusty old pedants who care about the vocative comma but I am one such.

The sign said, "Sheep, please shut the gate." Sheep, of course, can neither read signs nor shut gates. And use of the vocative comma is way outside their skill set.

If you do not understand why that sign is amusing, don't let it worry you. I'm sure you'll find other things to keep your laughter levels up and keep them up you must.

I like signs which exhibit a sense of humour whether the humour is intentional or not. This motel kitchen sign is surely intentional: "Do not use microwave and toaster oven at the same time. It will throw Earth out of orbit and we'll plummet into the sun."

This one, outside a church, might be unintentional: "Don't let worries kill you. Let the church help."

Wyn Drabble

The next two can probably be put down to English being a secondary language for the writer. Whereas in Rotorua you might find "Danger. Boiling mud", a similar site in Asia has this more graphic warning: "If you fall in the pond you will be boiled".

On an elevator door: "The 9th floor has temporarily been moved to the 15th floor."

And there are certain places dotted around the world whose names would take you by surprise if you were driving and had no prior knowledge of the place. You might not even believe the sign you see at the outskirts.

I know I shared a few of these with you years ago but they are worth repeating.

I know I told you about Tittybong in Victoria, Australia, but I've since expanded my knowledge on this place; at the 2016 census, Tittybong boasted a population of three. Three.

I'll wager that any tourist driver coming upon the following signs would stop and take a selfie: Condom (France); Dildo (Canada); Nasty (England); Poop (Mexico); Pussy (France); Rectum (Netherlands); Silly (Belgium); Stupid Lake (Canada); Toad Suck (Arkansas, USA).

Obviously my space limitation has meant that my exploration of signs has been far from thorough. I have not, for example, had the chance to write about signs of the zodiac. For that you can be truly thankful.

Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, musician and public speaker.