Last week's piece ended with this breaking news: And the national winner of the 2019 Smokefreerockquest is ...
I hadn't forgotten to finish; I had left it hanging because the result was not known at the time of writing. It is now.
And the national winner of the 2019 Smokefreerockquest, winning $10,000 worth of musical equipment from Rockshop, an $8000 NZ on Air video grant, a management package, branding and continued mentoring is … Arlo Mac of Havelock North High School.
Yes, the boys won and it was a joyous night in Takapuna.
But that's got little to do with today's column which is of course about – you picked it – noses.
Yes, I've just read an interesting article from which I learned some interesting facts about ancient Egyptian culture, specifically the importance of noses. I felt I should share my findings with you.
Long before the 2019 national final of Smokefreerockquest, Egyptians were creating paintings, hieroglyphs, jewellery, statues and sculptures.
Many of the statues which survive today – and remember this happened even before the very first national Smokefreerockquest in 1990 – have one thing in common. They lack noses.
Common belief had it that protuberances simply got knocked off over time. Remember, it can get rough in the mosh pit.
Anything that stuck out was likely to be broken off by accident or, much later in the case of a Tokoroa Māori carving, by design.
What with all the noise and cheering at a rock concert, it was hard to hear this theory but, fortunately, a number of historians were not at the national final so had a chance to think carefully about the nose issue.
These historians/researchers found that even two-dimensional art figures lacked noses. This tended to put history's nose out of joint. The accidental breakage theory took a nose dive.
These historians came up with the view that the noses had been removed for a cultural reason which was to drain the artworks of their life force.
Their theory was based on the fact that statues had great religious power, that they could actually possess the essence of the deities they represented. They figured, for some reason, that the best protection was to smash the nose off to disarm the artwork of its power.
More recently, this theory has been tried by some rugby players who were generally rewarded with a red card and a permanent stain in the history books.
READ MORE: My three decades with Smokefreerockquest ...
The most famous Sphinx is a prime example of all this. It is believed its nasal vandalism was committed in 1378AD, many years before the invention of electric guitars or earth-shaking amplifiers.
Some also claimed that Napoleon Bonaparte gunfire obliterated it but whoever Napoleon Bonaparte was one shudders to think.
Remember that nobody yet had invented Taylor Swift.
Between 1378 and the present day, not a lot happened, as evidenced by some song lyrics which turned up during that period.
Ooh eeh ooh ah aah, ting tang walla walla bing bang.
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na.
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
"I am" ... I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
Which brings us right up to 2019 and I hope you agree with me that the nose thing was interesting enough to share with you.
Worth mentioning too that the boys who won the national final were all fitted with noses.
*Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, musician and public speaker.