Trump's victory spurred Wyn Drabble to find some lighter news. Photo / NZME
Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, a writer, musician and public speaker. He is based in Hawke’s Bay.
OPINION
I’ve spent the last few weeks waking up – I’m extremely grateful for that bit – and uttering the question, “Is it still true?”
Every day it has been true.
For a little variety I sometimes changed my question to, “Is he still President-elect?”
Every day he was.
I thought the only thing I could do to lift us from the resulting slough of despond was to trawl through world news and find happy stories or, if not happy, at least funny. Or even just silly. I might even just make up a news story. Just to lighten the mood.
From the very country that has provided us with the shock news of the last few weeks comes this heart-warming pyjama story. A school bus driver in Louisville, Kentucky, noticed one of his regulars, a young boy called Levi, was definitely not having a good morning.
A tearful Levi explained it was Pyjama Day at school and he didn’t have any pyjamas. After finishing his shift, the driver went straight to a Family Dollar store, bought two pairs of PJs and delivered them to Levi’s school. The boy’s face lit up and he hugged the pyjamas to his chest.
Lack of pyjamas also featured on the 16th hole of a South Auckland golf course where passion overtook a couple and the course became a venue for intercourse. So urgent was their need that they didn’t even have time to duck behind a shrub or anything.
The out-in-the-open act was of course captured on camera and the result has done the social media rounds. I don’t feel this story will help make our nation great again.
In Edinburgh Zoo, management launched a cuteness contest between Haggis (their own newborn pygmy hippo) and Moo Deng (a mini hippo from Thailand zoo). What is not so cute is that both contestants are named after meat products: haggis involves a sheep’s stomach filled with diced and spiced innards; moo deng is a type of meatball that translates from the Thai as “bouncy pork”.
Cuteness won out over carnivorous connotations and, I say, that trumps Trump.
A 28-year-old Greek man has been to court for his rather bizarre offence, a fetish. Or footish. He has been sneaking into people’s properties for the sole (sorry!) purpose of sniffing their shoes.
The man has never stolen anything or become aggressive but when asked to explain his strange behaviour just said, “It makes my life better.” As part of his sentencing the judge asked him to seek therapy.
You know those rotating wheels that people put in cages to “amuse” their pet mice? Well, a Florida marathon runner has been intercepted by the coastguard about 110km off the coast of Georgia inside a larger version he built himself. His vessel was propelled through the water by paddles that operated as he ran inside the rotating part.
His goal was to run across the Atlantic to London, and it’s not the first time he has had such voyages interrupted – he was apprehended in 2014, 2016, 2021 – but an added danger this time was that Hurricane Franklin was heading for the UAS coast.
Back on the mainland, authorities are trying to encourage him to take up a tamer pursuit – like shoe-sniffing.
And still in Florida, authorities have been called to the Trump mansion to remove a pyjama-wearing baby hippo who would not stop sniffing footwear that the President-elect had left outside the back door.
I trust these stories have given you a few moments of relief and I hope you didn’t have too much trouble picking the made-up one.
But now it’s time to trudge back to reality and the bad news.
I’m afraid it’s still true.
The te reo sign read 'Taihoa' and 'Haere' instead of 'Stop' and 'Go'.