Liam Coltman. PHOTO/GETTY IMAGES
It would be intriguing to momentarily be an earthworm wriggling up to see what transpires in the front row of a rugby scrum and latch on to the ensuing dialogue.
But what happens if you're like Otago Razorbacks hooker Liam Coltman, a man of few words?
Injured prop Scott Manson reckons the word economy works just fine for the blokes who act as scaffolding for the dangling rake.
"Liam's not a guy who talks much but he has booming voice at the same time so that gets everyone up and hopefully everyone pitches in," says Manson of Coltman.
They tend to be choice words from the ginger bearded one such as: "Big chest, Scotty, bind up, mate!".
Says a laughing Manson: "You just have to remember trigger points and his words come through quite clear through that beard."
Tomorrow, when the Hawke's Bay Magpies welcome committee finds its mark at McLean Park, Napier, Coltman will find himself eyeballing Ash Dixon in the ritual of crouching, binding and setting for the Ranfurly Shield from 4.35pm in the ITM Cup clash.
No love will be lost between Coltman and Dixon who will be vying for the No 1 hooking berth with the Highlanders early next year during the Super Rugby season after the Magpie signed a contract to cross the floor to the South from the Hurricanes.
"I've faced Ashy a couple of times in the ITM Cup. He's a very good player," says the man who will no doubt have the rub of the green on Dixon, considering the All Blacks have called him twice to training camps in as many years.
After a 40-23 thumping at the hands of the Northland Taniwha on Wednesday night in Dunedin, the visitors are just as keen to continue battling in another second-tier Championship match at McLean Park.
"We didn't stick to our game plan," Coltman reveals, soon after a therapeutic walk with his dog, Blue, along St Clair Beach, on Thursday.
The Razorbacks didn't play to the final whistle and came up shy in the physicality stakes.
"They stayed in the game for 80 minutes and we went the other way," says the 24-year-old Alhambra Union Club player who will have tighthead prop Michael Mata'afa on one side and Aki Seiuli on the loosehead flank.
But don't expect the Southerners to go off the boil tomorrow in the quest to wrench the Log o' Wood off the Craig Philpott-coached Magpies who caused them heartache last season.
The Charlie O'Connell-captained Otago beat Waikato 26-19 on August 23 last year, breaking a 56-year shield drought but ecstasy turned to agony in nine days when they had to hand the log over to the Magpies at Forsyth Barr Stadium after a one-point loss.
"All shield games are lovely battles so I'm sure it'll lift the boys to be working for this," says Coltman.
Magpies skipper Brendon O'Connor and his men will be mindful of a wounded Otago, considering they themselves were hurting after a 24-20 loss to the Bay of Plenty Steamers last winter before rattling Otago's cage.
Coltman says former AB prop Kees Meuws is tinkering their scrums so a flow-on effect is imminent.
"I try to talk on the pitch a lot more these days than off it," says a jovial Coltman when told of Manson's take.
While the props' shuffle resembles a post-shop frenzy with injury taking it's toll, he has no qualms about hanging out with the new beefy blokes.
"Brownie knows what they do so we trust everyone on the field," he says of coach Tony Brown.
A prop-cum-hooker, he isn't worried about the dearth of hookers in the ABs catchment, preferring to focus on having fun on the paddock with Otago.
His father, Tom Coltman, who lives in Oakura, south of New Plymouth, will drive to watch him tomorrow. He drove to Dunedin this week, attended daughter Eve's 21st birthday in Christchurch then went to Dunedin to watch the Taniwha clash.