Queen is here ... must be Christmas

'Tis the season to listen to Her Majesty the Queen's Royal Message.

After the last of the trifle sponge had been mopped off the carpet and we kids were out the back trying to spit watermelon pips into a jar, mum and dad would settle down in front of the old La Gloria ... a delightful formica finished television set which ironically was more colourful than the images it emitted.

It was after tea and everyone's biological fuel tanks had been topped up so it was time to sit back.

However, as it had for several years been a regular occurrence "after tea", we had a visitor.

A visitor who gave dad one more reason to stand.

Her Majesty the Queen of England, that nice lady who once gave us the afternoon off school for going to see her at the park, would be calling by.

"My husband and I thought we would pop in to see if you little ragamuffins had broken any of your new toys yet," she would have likely said ... if she were ever likely to set foot on the fading porch lino by the back door.

Such an occasion would never have been on the cards of course, although I have to point out that she and the Duke once drove along Marine Parade in a big flash black car during one of their visits to the Bay and would have passed within just 30 or 40 yards of the said fading porch lino by the back door.

Had she stopped dad would have been both delighted and rattled.

"Jeesh," he would have exclaimed.

"We're out of sherry and there's only a few snorts of blackberry nip left."

Mum would have scrambled madly in the cupboard in the vain hope she may have put away a packet of Earl Grey tea only to discover she had not.

"She'll just have to settle for the Choysa."

So while such scenarios (thankfully) did not emerge, the Queen would call by, courtesy of La Glorias, after tea on Christmas Day.

For she had a tradition to continue.

She had a 10-minute show to present - Her Majesty the Queen's Christmas Message.

It was a tradition for the Queen but also a tradition for many, shall we say, "mature" aged people of that time.

The mums and dads and aunties and uncles would declare with a "shush" that it was time to be quiet and listen to what her royal highness had to say.

So nine times out of 10 we'd saunter outside and look for some kerosene to make the war games in the yard with our new tanks and artillery toys more effective.

This was during a time when before the films started God Save the Queen would play and there she would be on screen in her regal riding attire and hat - sidesaddle on a fine horse.

God help you if you didn't stand up and there was an old bloke sitting behind you.

I once copped the back of a well-aged hand for slumping low in my seat as the opening chords sounded.

And so here she comes again.

The republicans will stay with the news wrap on TV3 or veer toward Storage Wars: Canada on Prime, while the royalists will ensure there is a spot of sherry in the cupboard or a few bags of Earl Gray left in the caddy.

It is a special time for HM the Queen for she is in her ninth decade.

So it may be equally fitting that Prime is, later on what is generally a quiet evening, re-screening The Queen at 90 which looks at what she has seen, heard, done and decreed over a very, very long time.

I have no issues with the royal family.

Anyone who can visit here with their kids and create scenes of genuine joy on so many faces is fine by me.

I draw the line however at having to stand for someone else's anthem these days, especially after what always threatens to be too much food and pudding, and the occasional fizzy drink (are you with me?).

Apart from the great swathe of movies and a string of repeats, and the glorious absence of ads (although the promos will roll on I'm sure) the Queen's message to her subjects (although just what subject I represent I have no idea) is always an on-screen traditional sign of Christmas Day.

Oddly enough, it and a repeat of Call the Midwife Christmas Special, are the only Christmas-themed shows on the free-to-air channels on that day.

ON THE BOX

● Edinburgh Military Tattoo, Prime at 8.30pm Thursday: Here we have an entertaining and spectacular rendition of what the word "synchronisation" means. The participants of these tattoos are, quite simply, superb. How someone can walk and keep up a perfect drumbeat or strike the right note on a brass instrument is beyond me. Fine entertainment, and while the title has the Scottish lean to it this event was actually staged in Melbourne.

● Michael McIntyre's Big Christmas Show, TV1 at 7.30pm Friday: Well it's not Christmas Eve but it is close enough for Mike to take to the stage as host of a variety show. Variety shows are perfect for the festive season, especially if they have that Christmas touch, which this effort does. Musicians and comedians are lined up to get that Yuletide spirit flowing.

● Inside Lego at Christmas, TV1 at 7.30pm Boxing Day: Odd bit of scheduling this because it is being screened the day after the event it is all about. Several generations have been acquainted with Lego and I daresay they will continue to be, so this could be a fascinating glimpse behind the scenes. It takes you into the great Lego factory to see how the manufacturing crews get themselves into gear for the big Christmas sales push. Mind you, it could spark a few Boxing Day specials.