I am not anti-marriage, honestly, even though I have never married. In fact I love a good wedding. I am a romantic, I can feel emotional listening to people publicly and sincerely declaring their love for one another. One such wedding was Zara and Dan's on the weekend where Goobs was groomsman.
Over the years the weddings I have been invited to have become more personalised and fun. Vows reflecting how couples feel about one another put together in their own words can be powerful and moving. Dan tells Zara how much he loves her. Zara tells Dan she promises to always try to show interest in his fishing stories. I glance at both mums who are in tears. And before you readers believe I am saying weddings in the past weren't fun - it is just I have been to weddings where the happy couple recite those scary vows "to honour and obey and to death do us part". Phew they are big words. People close to me when contemplating leaving their husband/wife - have struggled with "to death do us part"... "in the eyes of God" . The thought of walking up the aisle... you brave people. I also find that part nerve-wracking. All too often weddings are driven by the parents (often mum) and not the couple who are getting married. Goobs, like me, has never married. Gun shy? Terrified? Never found the right woman? For some reason some of my close friends did not feel it was necessary to tie the knot. Faithful, loving relationships absolutely. My relationship with my late husband Jono spanned half my life - I met him when I was 25 years old. We were together for 25 years before he passed away. Yes we did broach the subject of marriage at times and at one stage thought - yes let's do it. We didn't go ahead because our best friends separated at that very time.
My sister-in-law - Jono's sister Kei - years ago growled at me and told me I was anti-marriage when I made comment about her daughter's engagement. Her daughter at the time was 18. Too young, I blurted. Kei discusses her Mormon religion and how people in the church are encouraged to make that long-term commitment. I do agree it may be too easy for people to leave one another when the going gets tough. In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death do us part.
Especially when children are involved. I am sure for some families, values expressed through their religious beliefs help many couples with the inevitable challenges of relationships and create a sense of permanency. I am pleased to report that Kei's daughter is still happily married. Pam O'Keefe shares she was 17 when she married Henare. Henare tells me the first time he met Pam he told her: "I am going to marry you". He tells me it was love at first sight.
So on a beautiful day, with breath-taking views overlooking Taupo we celebrate Zara and Dan's wedding. Whether a civil union, a wedding - no one would disagree that all we want is for couples to be happy. Parents provide words of wisdom, sharing how relationships need to be nurtured and how most relationships will face hard times. "You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships every day. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity." - Epicurus
