A little more than 33 minutes is all we have before one dispatched by Crazy Kim would reach us and the long white cloud would become the long mushroom cloud.
The electromagnetic pulse (EMP) would literally fry the nation's electrical grid and all the circuitry that powers our homes, businesses, hospitals, phones, cars, planes, traffic lights, ATMs and water supplies would be komutu (stuffed).
It makes me wonder if it is worth getting a text at all as 33 minutes is not a long time to farewell family friends and whanau let alone listen to the Peace Train one last time.
Often, I find myself praying to anyone who will listen "If only we could dump all these war weapons on a far-off satellite and start afresh".
Perhaps my prayers have been answered?
Pope Francis in his New Year's speech has urged the world to get rid of life's "useless baggage" in 2018, including what he called "empty chatter" and banal consumerism, and focusing instead on building a peaceful and welcoming world.
Francis offered his reflections on paring down non-essentials as he celebrated New Year's Day Mass Monday in St Peter's Basilica and later greeted some 40,000 people in St Peter's Square.
I'm with Werahiko (Francis) on this one, but the problem is Holy Father, the bad bugger who needs throwing out is in office until 2020 and I don't think the world can wait that long.
Personally, I wouldn't bet four fifths of a Biafran bit coin that he makes it to 2020 and if we can replace him with another billionaire television presenter - a la Oprah, do we have a better chance of survival by being able to talk down the crazy Korean kid with fat fingers on the big button?
Well at least Oprah could calm him down by doing what she does so well and help him lose weight.
Many a letter-writer to this paper believe I have an unhealthy bias toward the Porangi President with the possum nesting on his head - and they are right, for the right reasons in my opinion.
He is akin to an out of control bottle of ketchup that squeezes out crazy sauce on his cafe patrons - in this case the anything but united States.
Not a day goes by when he doesn't squirt out a crazy quote or tyrannical tweet to show the rest of the world that he really is a couple of kumara short of a hangi.
So yes, I am dumping on him and he is exactly what I believe Mr Pope is saying by getting rid of "life's useless baggage" to make the world a better place.
Other baggage to be jettisoned in my life started with Facebook a few months before Xmas and next to go will be downsizing not just my puku and sugar intake, but the amount of time I spend sending emails and texts from my cellphone, currently averaging up to 40 a day.
From all the research I have read refraining from switching it on until 10 in the morning and turning it back off when I get home from work keeps one's hinengaro - mind fresher and sharper.
Daily indulgences of meditation are on my menu as are as many walks around Mauao and the hallowed fairways of local golf courses as possible - with the cellphone off.
Most of all surrounding myself with like-minded souls is paramount to making this life one of laughter, learning and love.
Working with those who have a lot less has taught me the valuable lesson of what costs the least and gives you back the most is something we can all hang our hats of hope on in these troubled times when the clowns have been sent in.
Will it change the minds of the madmen and half tweets when it comes to pushing buttons – no it won't, but it will give us more peace of mind, and right now that's all we can hold on to as we hurtle through this crazy thing called life.
broblack@xtra.co.nz
Tommy Kapai is a best-selling local writer.
