Sport: Sharapova and the wailers

AAAAAGGGGGGHHHH ... AAAAIIIIEEEEEEE!
Yes, it's Wimbledon fortnight again when the grunters/screamers send the sports fan scrambling for the mute button and the My Sky fast forward.
Just when you thought you hadn't heard anything more ghastly than Maria Sharapova in full throttle, at deadline for this column, Sharapova was on track for an ear-drum busting semifinal against fellow shrieker Victoria Azarenka.
All sensitive hearers within 100km of Wimbledon this weekend are being advised to don industrial-proof ear muffs or leave the area immediately.
Heathrow is also diverting planes for the game's duration, officials fearing that if the divas' screeches overlap, their combined force may actually interfere with sensitive on-board control systems.
Of course this is not the first embarrassing affront on a venue once considered the most genteel sporting arena of them all.
It's also not strictly limited to the women's side of the draw either.
After all, Jimmy Connors pioneered the trend with his guttural Wimbledon grunts of the 1970s and he's had more than his fair share of copycats since.
But it was uber-annoying 1990s pin-up Monica Seles who opened the floodgates to this generation's loudest, most ear-splitting wailers of them all.
At the risk of sounding like a sexist, the throatier male grunt, even in its most Nadal-like fervour is almost, with the volume down a bit, bearable.
Not exactly pleasant you understand, but you are at least in control of all your motor-functions while watching.
When Sharapova - officially the loudest offender ever recorded at 105 decibels - got warmed up this week, I swear my ears started bleeding.
Two years ago, tennis legend Martina Navratilova weighed in on the always contentious issue, proclaiming the shrieking "has reached an unacceptable level. It is cheating, pure and simple. It is time for something to be done".
She's right about that - studies have proved beyond doubt it's distracting for the opponent - but don't hold your breath for officialdom to step in anytime soon.
For years the stuffy suits have had the discretion to stamp this ridiculous and unnecessary behaviour out.
But every Wimbledon this problem still crops up, they release a statement about putting the players on notice, and nothing ever gets done.
It's much like slow play in golf; it's the thorny blight on a game no one wants to deal with for fear of upsetting someone, a bleeding heart group and losing their job.
Meanwhile, players such as Sharapova and now Azarenka are allowed to wail on because they say it helps them expel energy at the right time and hit the ball harder.
You could say the same about any sport if that argument held any weight. Last time I checked, defending LPGA US Open champ Paula Creamer hits the golf ball a lot further and a lot harder than Sharapova and Azarenka combined.
Tons of similarities there in body mechanics, yet when was the last time you heard Creamer, or any other golfer for that matter, letting out an audible noise upon impact?