NEWS ANALYSIS: 10 months sober and filling a big hole in life

The only way Peter Oakes felt he could end his alcoholism was to drink himself to death.
But, in an ironic twist of fate, the 45-year-old driven to drink by mounting financial and work pressure, did not have enough money to do it.
The recovering alcoholic has been sober for 10 months and knows he can never return to his binge-drinking ways if he wants to stay alive.
The memories are still firmly etched in his mind of a time when "nothing mattered more than the next drink" and there was no such thing as a sober day.
He spent two years nursing daily hangovers after evenings spent at home alone, downing beer until he passed out.
But it was not always that way for the Te Puke man. As a 17-year-old, Mr Oakes said he was typical in going to weekend parties, drinking beer and spirits.
"I probably did a lot of things people do but I just did it harder."
This continued into adulthood until, about four years ago, he found himself becoming more reliant on alcohol while working up to 70 hours a week in two jobs trying to catch up on bills.
With mounting financial and work stress, Mr Oakes found his use of alcohol to relieve pressure had actually become the bane of his life.
He was always a competent worker and his bosses knew nothing of his problem, despite nursing hangovers every day for about two years.
"I felt bloody dreadful by the end of the day. I got loaded up on coffee to get over my hangover and, when I finished work, I would drink beer until I passed out."
After finishing work for the day, Mr Oakes would head straight to the supermarket or liquor store to buy a dozen beers.
"There's this perception that you can't be an alcoholic if you drink beer. That's not true," he said.
He recently self-published a book, Six Months Sober, in which he details the early days of his recovery from alcoholism and the difficulties he faced.
Mr Oakes believes it may have been his drive to perfectionism that drove him to drink rather than face the inadequacies in his life.
"The daily stresses. I think that's what I used alcohol for, for a break from the daily stresses. And, in the end, the alcohol was the thing causing the stress," he said.
"I couldn't see my way ahead, there were too many stresses."
Soon he was drinking just to feel normal.
He lived on toast, baked beans and beer and, after a few years, his long working weeks and hard lifestyle took their toll and he fell ill with pneumonia.
Mr Oakes tried to keep working but eventually had to quit his main job and became even more stressed while trying to survive with part-time work.
After going through a recovery programme, he fell off the wagon six weeks later.
He then tried the intense Hanmer Clinic programme and has stayed sober for 10 months - an "incomprehensible" feat in his former life.
Reflecting on where he has been, Mr Oakes knows with certainty that if he was still drinking, he would either be dead, in jail or in an institution.
For others who think they may have a problem with alcohol, he said, "if you can't go without a drink" ask for help.
"The longer you leave it, the worse it gets. I found that you don't just hit rock bottom. You bounce along it for awhile before you do anything about it."
He now likes the person he sees in the mirror each day, despite still being uncertain of what his future holds.
"You have to learn to live in a way where you can live and manage your stresses. At times, it feels like there's this huge gap being filled by life now."
Copies of Six Months Sober are available through www.orpp.co.nz.
See today's accompanying story on our website, 'Don't reach for that bottle, talk to a friend'.