Sex education in Aotearoa is compulsory up to year 10. Consent is advised in curriculum guidelines – but it is not mandatory.
Associate Education Minister Jan Tinetti says officials are refreshing the curriculum and consent education will be reviewed in 2024.
That seems too late to me.
Last month, the Australian Government unanimously decided that as of 2023, consent will be a compulsory part of the education curriculum from the first year of school, through to year 10.
In New Zealand, individual schools consult with their communities to decide how and what, if anything, to teach about consent.
The curriculum is vital, especially since children are exposed to adult content and situations through their devices and IRL (in real life). Last year, a Christchurch Girls' High School survey of 700 students found nearly 60 per cent had been verbally harassed or groped and 20 students allege they had been raped.
A 2017 NetSafe study revealed 40 per cent of teens ages 14 to 17 said they knew someone who had sent naked or nearly nude images. I wrote a column about sex education that year, and referred to a conversation I had with my kids when were 13 and 12 years old.
Today, my daughter is 18, and my son, 16.
I still attempt these conversations, though they are less theoretical than they used to be. Things are getting real.
And the teens usually don't want to hear about love and relationships from me. I am a cringe-inducing relic born between the Triassic and Jurassic periods.
Teenagers get much of their information about sexuality and relationships from friends and from school.
Thank goodness for life education in school. It covers topics including healthy relationships, physiology and consent.
Some caregivers keep their children out of these discussions, saying parents must provide such messages.
That's fine if they are having regular, meaningful conversations with their adolescents. It takes a crisis or bribery for me to crack the code of teenage mortification.
I checked out the Ministry of Education resources for Relationships and Sexuality Education (RSE).
The secondary school videos feature students and teachers talking about establishing guidelines and boundaries to guide discussions.
They mention healthy relationships and what to do if you believe you're in an unhealthy one.
Natalie, a teacher from Wellington High School, says health education looks at sex and sexuality holistically.
"It's not just your identity and your orientation - it's about who you are and what you need."
Figures from the Ministry of Justice's New Zealand Crime and Victims Survey (NZCVS) in 2019 show 94 per cent of sexual assaults were not reported to the police.
The survey reveals that almost 30 per cent of New Zealand adults experienced intimate partner violence, or sexual violence, at some point in their life.
Women were three times more likely to experience sexual violence than men.
It's vital that our young people have the tools to protect themselves and others from harm.
How, in the #metoo era, can I not worry?
I fantasise about arming my children with a legal document to bring on dates: "Before we go any further, would you please sign this consent form?"
I don't know how this new curriculum will work in the real world.
I don't expect schools to parent. But I believe adolescents, especially, need heaps of reinforcement to navigate sexuality and relationships.
We can't spin a single thread on which to place the wellbeing of society - we need a connected web that reinforces positive messages.
I want my kids to continue learning about relationships and sexuality from school, and from adult role models, including me.
Mostly, I want them to tell me what's happening in their relationships. If conversations at school open them to the possibility of more communication at home, then RSE could make my job a little easier.
Where to get help
• If it's an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
• If you have been abused, remember it's not your fault.
• If you've ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone call the confidential crisis helpline Safe to Talk on: 0800 044 334 or text 4334. (available 24/7).
• Male Survivors Aotearoa offers a range of confidential support at centres across New Zealand - find your closest one
here
.
• Mosaic - Tiaki Tangata: 0800 94 22 94 (available 11am - 8pm).
Alternatively contact your local police station.
