Will Johnston: Give baby boomers deals, not websites

Baby boomers. Born between 1946 and 1964.

Been to a garden centre in the Bay lately? Or anywhere near the Mount in daylight weekend hours? There they are!

If they're not cycling four abreast down Marine Parade in high-vis vests on electric bikes and having a muffin and cappuccino to reward themselves for the calories they didn't actually burn off, they're wanting cheaper everything because they're older and they've "earned" it.

But to be fair, they actually have. They've paid tax for longer than the rest of us. They own us, figuratively and literally. Plus, a study in 2017 actually showed that boomers were more concerned about the environment than millennials, and the boomers cared less about material possessions than the young too.

So if they could just recycle properly and stop buying all the property that would be cool!
You must understand that this is all tongue-in-cheek. I actually love the boomers. My parents are boomers, I have some great boomer friends, some of the people who listen to my show are boomers and I've even married the odd one (as a celebrant, not some dodgy cougar/boomer polygamy cult).

At the very least a boomer has probably paid a vast sum towards that wedding! I need boomers as much as the next slightly selfish, mildly narcissistic, "trying to hold on to his youth" 35-year-old male!

I try to keep politics out of these scribblings, but my dad was involved, to some degree, with the Gold Card right back when it was first rolled out, so I know it from the inside a little and feel connected to it.

So when I saw that there was to be a cool $8 million spent on upgrading the Gold Card website, creating an app and giving Doris a night class or two on what the eggplant emoji actually means, I was at a bit of a loss.

The grey and bald don't want an app. Less than half of the Gold Card holders even have a smartphone. Even less of them know how to actually access the internet with it. And even less are willing to pay for the data to do so.

That money could be spent on a muffin and half-strength latte.

Give them the deals. My old man is 72. All he wants is free coffees, cheap access to movies and events and occasionally cheaper access to public transport when mum won't let him use the car because he's had his privileges taken off him because he spent more than his allocated lunch-out-coffees-with-friends allowance.

Spend the $8m on giving them better deals. Email those deals to them, that's about their capacity.

Even better, post it to them. Oldies bloody LOVE actual mail. Make it a coupon! We all know coupons are to nana what free drinks are to a first year uni student!

Really what I'm saying, in a city that used to be called 'god's waiting room' because of its elderly population, we need to look after the Gold Card toting people.

We need their gratitude. We need their money. We need their babysitting services.