On the eve of a World Cup at which he'll be recognised as one of the best outside backs in the global game, Ben Smith says he spent his first years as an All Black convinced he didn't deserve to be a test footballer.
Smith, who was first capped in 2009 against Italy in Milan, says his fears that he wasn't good enough affected his performance. But looking back now, he would relish the opportunity to revisit his younger self and urge him to trust his instincts and his coaches.
"When I debuted I remember being young and thinking I didn't deserve to be there," Smith said. "At the time I was probably concentrating on a lot of things that were external to the team.
"If I could go back, I would back my ability a bit more and know that at the time I had been picked to do a job and that the coaches had full trust in me."
Learning to believe in himself was a slow process.
After that initial 2009 test, Smith fell out of favour the following year - although he did play sevens at the Commonwealth Games, and was called up ahead of the World Cup as short-term injury cover for the test against Fiji.
Even when he became a squad regular in 2012, there was a feeling that may have been as far as he would get as, while his versatility was an asset, there were better options in starting berths.
He wrestled with that thought for months - coming close to signing an overseas deal before deciding he wanted to stay in New Zealand to see if his luck would change.
His patience was rewarded in 2013 when a serious injury to Cory Jane paved the way for Smith to take ownership of the All Black No 14 jersey.
His transition was spectacular. He went from being on the edge of the All Blacks squad to a World Rugby Player of the Year nominee in 2013.
The full array of his skills became apparent and the All Blacks suddenly had a player who was both finisher and creator, a player who was both defensively and offensively astute and one who would go on to become a critical part of their weaponry.
Smith is hugely important to the 2015 campaign. He'll attack with clever angles. He'll mop up high balls, bring his wings into the game, kick well from deep and make good decisions.
He'll score tries and create them - barely putting a foot wrong while offering the element of extraordinary that head coach Steve Hansen has asked for.