NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / New Zealand

Claire Trevett: National's Monty Python code of conduct

Claire Trevett
By Claire Trevett
Political Editor, NZ Herald·NZ Herald·
21 Feb, 2018 04:00 PM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

Steven Joyce tells Newstalk ZB's Mike Hosking he would become the fifth candidate to replace Bill English.
Claire Trevett
Opinion by Claire Trevett
Claire Trevett is the New Zealand Herald’s Political Editor, based at Parliament in Wellington.
Learn more

There is a scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail in which a French soldier looks at King Arthur and his knights and hollers "I fart in your general direction" before hurling livestock at them.

That scene is apparently the code of conduct for the National Party leadership contest.

Direct strikes are frowned upon so the candidates have taken to lobbing loaded statements in the general direction of their foes and hoping onlookers are smart enough to figure out who will be enveloped in the fug.

After Steven Joyce announced he was putting his name in the ring, Simon Bridges said there were some who seemed to think all National had to do was "stay with what we've got" and the voters would reinstall them in 2020.

That, he said, was wrong – National needed to "freshen up" a bit.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

It was effectively code for saying Joyce was old guard, a bit musty while Bridges was the freshen-up job.

Mitchell pointed to his team building skills, which would translate to coalition building skills. Translation: Winston doesn't like any of the other guys.

Adams played up her rural home base and used words such as compassion and integrity. Translation: the others don't have any.

Collins was less subtle. She issued many farts in directions of varying specificity.

First was her declaration that the 'mark' she would put on her own leadership was 35 per cent in the polls. Translation: should the next leader's polling drop near that level, beware: here comes Judith.

Discover more

New Zealand|politics

Who's backing who in National's big race

19 Feb 04:00 PM
New Zealand|politics

Live: English's final caucus meeting as leader

19 Feb 08:59 PM
New Zealand|politics

Two places up for grabs in Nat vote

20 Feb 04:00 PM
Opinion

Fran O'Sullivan: Multi-talented Joyce has nose in front

20 Feb 07:51 AM

Then she said National needed to 'straighten up' from a leftwards drift.

Translation: the others are cowardly, wussy liberals. She even identified the most wussy of all – Amy Adams.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

There was her response to Mark Mitchell, the rookie of the pack.

She said it was great that people were "willing to put their political ambitions at risk" by wanting the job.

It pointed Mitchell to the cautionary tale of David Shearer, who became Labour leader in 2011 only to be forced out by his colleagues and eventually leave altogether, a promising political career stymied by prematurely realised ambition.

Adams and Bridges are considered front runners but Joyce is just getting started and his impact remains unknown. He has some influential support.

It is notable English gave Joyce advance warning of his decision to resign – and let it be known he had done so.

It is notable because when John Key decided to go, he gave English advance warning.

It is understood English told Joyce prior to Waitangi Day.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Joyce was filling in for English at Waitangi. He delivered what can only be described as a leadership-style speech there. It was measured and statesmanlike.

In hindsight it was an audition, designed to show he was in the wings to move up from his self-proclaimed role of "just here to make the tea" (back-room strategist) to the job of leader.

For some, Joyce is the comfort blanket option. He spells the continuation of the Key Empire.

He has been such a powerful figure within National for the past 10 years that the MPs know who he is, how he operates and how his elevation might affect them.

Some don't necessarily like the answer to the last of those and that could cost him.

Poor old Joyce has often been a scapegoat for National – and a laughing stock.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Joyce's "pretty legal" verdict on the 2014 'Eminem-esque' soundtrack used in that campaign came back to haunt him. He was literally gobsmacked by a dildo at Waitangi.

The caucus is also somewhat divided on Joyce's attempt to discredit Labour by claiming there was an $11.7 billion fiscal hole in its budget.

There are hole deniers, hole believers and hole agnostics.

Joyce has also copped the blame in some quarters for National's position in Opposition.

This was not lost on the man who actually did send them there - NZ First leader Winston Peters.

Peters clearly did not get sent a copy of National's Monty Python code of conduct and farted directly at them.

He set Bridges' odds at 500-1, saying Bridges' tendency to refer to himself in the third person showed "a recognition hunger problem."

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Joyce was also at 500-1, courtesy of that fiscal hole and his "dirty tricks." Adams was at 30 – 1 but moving back through the field.

He gave Collins and Mitchell odds of 10-1. Then he warned Mitchell's hostage negotiation skills would be needed.

Save

    Share this article

Latest from New Zealand

New Zealand

Motorcyclist dies following West Coast crash

01 Jun 10:38 AM
New Zealand

Aurora Australis lights become visible across NZ

01 Jun 08:22 AM
Crime

Church-going bank employee led secret life laundering $3m for meth syndicate

01 Jun 07:00 AM

‘No regrets’ for Rotorua Retiree

sponsored
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from New Zealand

Motorcyclist dies following West Coast crash

Motorcyclist dies following West Coast crash

01 Jun 10:38 AM

Emergency services were called to the scene about 5.15pm

Aurora Australis lights become visible across NZ

Aurora Australis lights become visible across NZ

01 Jun 08:22 AM
Church-going bank employee led secret life laundering $3m for meth syndicate

Church-going bank employee led secret life laundering $3m for meth syndicate

01 Jun 07:00 AM
‘You absolutely cannot say that': Ardern gets personal in much anticipated memoir

‘You absolutely cannot say that': Ardern gets personal in much anticipated memoir

01 Jun 06:36 AM
Why Cambridge is the new home of future-focused design
sponsored

Why Cambridge is the new home of future-focused design

NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • What the Actual
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven CarGuide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP